


Angel Rule Number 46: Glove Slap

by GintaxAlvissforever



Series: Angel Law Related Stories [4]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening, Super Smash Brothers, 光神話 | Kid Icarus (Video Games)
Genre: Dramedy, Duel To The Death, F/M, Forced Marriage, Gender Role Reversal, M/M, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Political Drama, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-11 05:51:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3316583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GintaxAlvissforever/pseuds/GintaxAlvissforever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pit got caught in a bad situation that results in the higher ups wanting him removed from his position. To do this, they intend to force Dark Pit into a marriage with one of them. Not wanting his twin to be dragged into this political drama, he begs Chrom to give the approval to marry Dark Pit to Lucina. Unfortunately for the Smashers, there are certain rules that must be followed.</p><p>UPDATE: Now this story has been recommended on TV Tropes. I'm shocked that this one made it on here. Now I am bumped to write even more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Political Trouble

**Author's Note:**

> This is an FYI that this was originally a one-shot but I split it into three chapters because of how long it is. Enjoy!

"Chrom, please allow Lucina to marry Pittoo, please!"

If it was anyone else that begged the king of Ylisse, Chrom would have threw that guy on the frontlines hoping they would never try to talk with his daughter anymore. This situation was different.

The person asking for one was not asking for Lucina's hand in marriage. In fact it was Pit that was on his hands and knees begging Chrom to allow his twin brother Dark Pit to be with her.

"…Even if you beg Pit…the answer is still going to be no…" Chrom responded feeling uncomfortable about how desperate the angel was after coming to him multiple times in the last couple of days. At first it started with Pit being casual about it before he started getting angry before being brought to this state.

"But this is really, really, REALLY important Chrom! The marriage has to happen zap!"

"But…you're not giving me the reason…"

"There's no time! Just say yes!"

"Pit!"

The voice of the Goddess of Light only cause Pit to flinch. He didn't move from his begging position in the presence of his Goddess. Palutena walked slowly toward the two (who were in the lounge on the second floor) appearing very rattled at how Pit was acting and for another reason.

"Pit…what did you do to the angels now?" She asked trying to keep her composure. The mask she was wearing was starting to crumble. "Stand up when you speak."

Pit obeyed as he immediately stood up even if his legs were shaking.

"I-It wasn't me this time Lady Palutena! I swear I did and said nothing to anger them like this!"

"Oh?"

"Can you two fill me in on what's going on?" Chrom asked rather annoyed with how his daughter is getting dragged into this without context of the situation. "I will say no until you tell me why my daughter has to be married to your twin."

Pit really didn't want to go into it. He just wanted to clear the situation up quickly, but if Palutena was here…

"…Those jerks did a stupid angel virginity test without my knowledge or consent…" Pit grumbled causing Palutena to gasp. She looked ready to laugh if he didn't continue. "This isn't funny Lady Palutena. You know how uptight we angels are about our virginity."

"You're not." Palutena said simply with her usual "pleasant" smile.

"Well excuse me if I enjoy having a fling or two…or five…"

This was getting awkward really fast so Pit quickly got back on the subject at hand. "Chrom, get your mind out of the gutter when I say virginity test. Some angels have powerful magic that allows you to see the "aura" around the angel. If you're a virgin, the aura is incredibly bright, but if not…"

"So it's like Lucario's aura then?"

"You can say that, but it's not visible to the naked eye and those with this magic power to test it allows them to peek into the sex life of angels. Most of the time, the angels in Helel are the one who checkup for health reasons once a year and are not allowed to give the information to anyone but family members if the situation is dangerous." He scowled at the thought. "It was stupid of me to let my guard around Friday. She's an Angel Assembly member and probably was ordered to use her magic when we weren't looking."

"This was last week, right?" Palutena asked. "When you two went to heaven for your daily royal bodyguard checkup?"

"Of course and to get some good food from Pepper! But anyway, it was only a few days ago where I got summoned by the Angel Assembly and they revealed that I was tested negative on the virginity test…and Pittoo was tested positive…"

"And what does that mean?" Chrom questioned still not understanding the problem.

"It makes me look bad!" Pit shouted. "Angels have a chastity belt around them! We cannot even think of having sex! If we get married, there is some leeway, but before marriage is scandalous! For someone in my position…it's really bad."

"Why?"

"I'm the captain of the royal bodyguards, the servant of Lady Palutena! The angels look to me as their role model! I can't afford to be breaking angel vows…"

"But all angels do. It's not a surprise." The Goddess of Light commented. "It's just a matter of not getting caught like you did Pit."

"But…what does that have to do with my daughter and your twin brother marrying?" Chrom asked again.

Pit let out a sigh before he continued his explanation. "Half the Angel Assembly hates me. It's a fact. Half of them don't even want to work with me like Valerie is doing…so they want to remove me from power."

"I wouldn't fire you Pit." Palutena said quickly. "Unless you betrayed me."

"Lady Palutena…this is an angel thing…so I wouldn't really have a choice to step down if I did something wrong in the angel's eyes. The point of the Angel Assembly is to prevent you or any of the angels working under you more authority than them…but it's just a power grab." Pit sighed again thinking about it. "Because I work under you, they have to go by the angel laws searching for them. If I break even one rule, they'll going to get me. I was stupid to shout that rule thirty-four would protect me."

Chrom's expression paled hearing that number. Pit grumbled seeing Chrom's face.

"Chrom, get your mind out of the gutter! Angel rule number thirty-four is, "You are not allowed to have sex in heaven. If caught, there will be a trial and you will probably be cast to hell for your lustful sins. **If you're going to have sex, you do it in the human world.** Angels should not have to clean up with your sinful acts on the street." Or something along that line."

The rule was incredibly solid because the rules stated that only in heaven would you get punished. This was Pit's way of getting around the other rule he broke…

"Pit…if they overruled rule thirty-four, what was the one you broke?"

"…Rule thirty-five…"

"And that is?"

" **Age of consent** in heaven is generally 1800. Anything below that is considered rape and will be treated as the worse crime committed."

"But Pit…you're 2499…"

"…They traced it back to when I first lost my virginity…under 1800." Pit couldn't even look at Palutena when he said that. She noticed that he lost the color in his eyes for a moment. "It may not have been heaven when that happened, but this applies to all angels regardless of where you are."

"You're still not answering me about my daughter and-"

"Argh, shut up Chrom! I heard you the past couple of times! The reason I asked you was because the Angel Assembly want to remove me by going after Pittoo. I may have lost my virginity, but he still has his. They told me they would pardon my sin if Pittoo married any of the single angels in Skyworld…but again that's just a power grab. If Pittoo marries any of those rich assholes, they'll just use that as blackmail material to force me to stop working under you Lady Palutena…"

Everything was making more sense but…

"Huh, you make it seem like Dark Pit is being married off to some random guy…"

"HE IS!" Pit shouted. "I WON'T ALLOW IT!"

Palutena was slowly starting to realize how serious the situation was. It appeared comical at first, but there was a political struggle going on after all. Pit hid it so well that she laughed it off, but now it had escalated to this.

"I know how the Angel Assembly is. They'll probably select Gaston to be the one Pittoo marries. If it's him…" He shivered thinking of the worse possible scenario. "I don't want to think about it."

"But can't you just say no?"

"Chrom, I tried that." Pit murmured as a response. "They are adamant about me losing my spot. Unless Pittoo is already married to someone else with proof, then he'll be forced into an unhappy marriage. So I went around Smash Brothers Mansion asking anybody if they can marry Pittoo…not just Lucina…" The angel looked away ashamed admitting that he would throw his twin brother to anyone. "Nobody took me seriously and laughed it off. I mean…yeah I forgot Marth was engaged to Caeda, but he didn't have to make me look like a buffoon…that's when I realized that Lucina would be perfect for Pittoo, so I went to you first before I go talk to them."

Chrom felt his eyebrows twitch at this. Palutena just sighed in defeat realizing how stupid her captain was.

"Pit…did you just admit that you didn't even tell Pittoo of the situation? And that he was just going to wake up one day and find out he was going to marry Lucina if Chrom said yes?"

"Uh…"

"Pit," Palutena began, "I know you're in a state of panic, but you got to think this through. There is more than one way to get those Angel Assembly members off your back. Perhaps you can-"

"Lady Palutena, the last thing I need is for you to step in and make everything worse." He told her rather harshly. "I don't want you to get any backlash for helping me deal with my problem."

Taken back by her servant's words, Palutena was forced to concede.

"You know I'm not going to say yes now after your explanation." Chrom reminded the white angel. "This is your problem with your angel race and I'm not going to have my daughter thrown into this because of a mistake you made."

"It's not even a mistake! They're just cherry picking a minor incident of my past! That happened over 500 years ago!" Pit was going to go back to begging now knowing Chrom had disapproved of the idea with the revelation. "Come on Chrom! It's not even about me! It's about making sure Pittoo doesn't get screwed over. You'll lend a helping hand to him at least, right?"

In all honesty, Chrom would say no to that. Lucina was still his daughter even if this one was from the future. He noticed that the dark angel had an obvious crush on his daughter. She apparently was oblivious to his crush and he was going to keep it that way. The marriage would make her realize the implication of his feelings even if Dark Pit was unaware of the situation at hand.

Unfortunately for Pit, there were Smashers that were listening in on the conversation. Before Pit could say anything else, the Smasher in the center of all of this burst in with the expression of a demon mask ready to chew Pit out for his stupidity.

"Oh crap…Pittoo…"

"That's Dark Pit, you idiot! And you weren't going to tell me anything about this?!"

"Dark Pit, calm down."

Lucina was the other Smasher that overheard the conversation and was equally annoyed with Pit, but lashing out at him wasn't going to solve anything.

"Calm down, why should I calm down Luci?! This jackass is going to force me to commit to some ugly person I haven't even met in heaven!"

"Umm…that's why I'm kind of trying to get you married with anyone else in Smash." Pit grumbled feeling the irritation level rise.

"Like your Goddess said! I was going to wake up one day and be forced into a wedding! Why would you do that Pitstain?! Why didn't you even tell me that virginity test was a thing?!"

"Well…it wasn't going to be important if you weren't sleeping around…"

"But that's the base of this whole marriage?!"

Dark Pit was obviously embarrassed that angels actually determined if you had sex or not. He was slightly jealous of Pit who had more experience in the field and could sleep with anyone without any romantic ties. Dark Pit wanted to try that, but found that he would be betraying himself if he copied the original, so he was going to sleep with the person he liked and be committed instead of whoring himself out to some random people. This was probably the one thing that Pit and Dark Pit would never agree on.

"Pit, let those idiot angels know that you don't get to speak for me! I will not get married to whoever they choose and they can't make me!"

Pit's expression darkened letting out yet another sigh. "Pittoo…it's not that easy."

"Why not?!"

Pit looked toward Chrom again with puppy dog eyes. "Chrom, please let Lucina marry Pittoo! She's manly enough for those angels to get off his back."

Because of his desperation, the words came out wrong. Palutena just facepalmed as Lucina went over to the captain and smacked him on the cheek. If it was a little stronger, she would have smacked him into the wall with more than just a red hand stain on his face.

"…Not once have you asked for my opinion, Pit."

"…You would have said no…" Pit mumbled.

"Exactly! How dare you suggest me because of a reason like that! You make it seem like a woman isn't good enough for Dark Pit!"

Well this was getting personal really fast.

"Well…kind of…all the angel suitors are men because of Pittoo's frame so…"

"Unbelievable…"

Without giving Pit to explain himself anymore (and thus digging his hole deeper), Lucina stormed out of the room. It amazed Palutena that Lucina was angrier than Pittoo since at the very least she wasn't at the center of the problem like the dark angel was forced to be. Said dark angel glared at his twin before chasing after the female lord. Chrom wanted to pursue her but perhaps talking more about it with Pit and Palutena was the better solution.

* * *

"Lucina, wait!"

Going to her room wasn't an option. Robin was probably inside having a one on one conversation with her brother about something he wanted to speak to her about. Lucina respected the two enough to leave the room the whole day no matter what came up so the best place to go was the garden to loosen up.

"I'm sorry about Pitstain." Pittoo apologized as he managed to catch up with her. "I didn't know about this forced marriage thing…"

"No…I didn't expect you to know. I noticed that Pit has a bad habit of not telling you anything until its too late."

"You think?"

The two ended up sitting on the nearby bench in the flower garden in front of the platinum colored fountain. Dark Pit made sure to keep a small distance from the female lord. Truth be told, he might have had a small crush on her, but forcing the marriage was enough to push the idea away until things calmed down. He was still tempted to lean against her shoulder like he normally did when they were alone. She didn't mind a bit and sometimes she would put her hand around him when she thought he was asleep.

"Dark Pit, do you intend to get married?" Lucina suddenly asked breaking the silence. This was really bugging her…

"No way." Dark Pit responded almost immediately. "I'm independent! I don't need anyone holding me down!"

It was obvious he was trying to mimic the voice of Little Mac's trainer Doc Louis. The accent made him want to try it out, but in a situation like this, the joke fell flat (not like Lucina would have laughed anyway. She lacked a sense of humor.)

"…In all seriousness…I'm not ready…" The black angel mumbled to the Ylissean princess. "I haven't been around for long. Pit is almost at a fourth of his life in angel years, but me? I only have three…and I lost most of it sleeping because of the Chaos Kin."

"Dark Pit…"

"Maybe in a couple hundred years I'll be interested at the concept of marriage, but right now, it's just a pain the ass."

Lucina frowned at Dark Pit's harsh words on marriage. A little part of her wished that he would at least consider it, but at the same time, this was a marriage without love he was being forced into.

"…If the concept of a soulmate is true, I'll find him or her eventually."

"…You don't care about the gender?"

"Pit doesn't. Angel society doesn't care either…but they do care about race."

"Hey, Pittoo!"

"Speak of the devil…" Pittoo growled hearing the voice of his twin. Didn't Pit have better things to do like convincing Chrom to force him to marry the female lord he respected? "What do you want?"

Pit must have been running around the mansion searching for the both of them because he was exhausted. Either that or Palutena gave him a serious smack down that wore him out. It hadn't been that long after all.

"Pittoo…I really am sorry for not telling you…and you too Lucina."

"Uh-huh…whatever Pitstain."

"…You're really mad at me."

"Hell yeah I'm mad at you! I'm being dragged into something because of your stupidity! Why do I have to be the fall guy? Is it because I'm a-"

"Don't finish that sentence because that's the last thing that's on their mind."

"Then why…they never paid any attention to me anyway. I'm the guy who is tasked with befriending demons and making sure the Underworld doesn't try anything funny anymore…"

There was some truth to that. Pit didn't want Dark Pit to be tied into the politics of the royal bodyguards and Angel Assembly. If you looked at the ranking system of the royal bodyguards, one could see that there was a special reason why Dark Pit was not Pit's number two and placed at number five. Rank two was the vice captain of Pit in terms of paperwork (and not battle strength). Rank three is directly tied to the Angel Assembly and rank four is the healing division. This left rank five to be the demon division where the only thing Dark Pit had to do was keep the relationship between angels and demons steady. Dark Pit's vice captain was a spider demon…the only demon in heaven named Arachne and they got along very well to show that Dark Pit was capable of such a task. This allowed him to be left alone for the most part in heaven, but with this revelation that Dark Pit was a pure angel unlike the captain everyone idolized, he was suddenly there target in this power struggle.

"That's why I'm really sorry…if I could think of a plan to where they wouldn't come after you…"

"Pit," Lucina began still angry with the white angel, "is being married to someone else really the only way to stop them?"

"Well…not really." Pit admitted. "There are three ways so far. You can either submit to them and they'll leave you alone, but that's the worse case scenario. You can marry someone else to get them off your back or…" Pit's expression darkened. "If you lost your virginity now then they would lose any interest in you…but even that's too risky given how they'll abuse the amount of years you've been around to say you broke the angel laws."

"Argh…why are there so many angel laws?! Its not like anyone obeys them anyway!"

"I really wish Valerie would just change them…" Pit grumbled. "If only I could read then I could recite the exact changes. If I can't read the text, then I won't be able to notice if they changed the rules or not."

"Yet, you seem to know the rules very well." Lucina brought up remaining skeptical at Pit's explanation.

"I had those rules drilled into my head as a kid growing up." Pit admitted with a sigh. "If you didn't remember all hundred of them, you were in big trouble. The Angel Assembly back then would abuse those rules so as a citizen; you had the right to know your rights. Sure most of them are obvious ones like don't steal or don't murder but then the later ones start becoming more nitpicky and easier to abuse. Fortunately, I know there is a loophole to this forced marriage, but I was just lucky that when I got my own suitors off my back that they wouldn't mess with me again."

"Huh? You had suitors too?" Dark Pit asked in disbelief.

"Yeah…for the same reasons as you. The Angel Assembly as you already know Pittoo have power hungry members. My position is the captain of the royal bodyguards therefore I am the closest to Lady Palutena. They don't want Lady Palutena ordering them around, but they don't have any problem using her as a scapegoat for anything they do wrong. It's my job to make sure that never happens…but because of my age back then, they wanted to force me into an arrange marriage."

"…Why is marriage a power grab in heaven?" Lucina had to ask really starting to lose her temper again at the subject. "Aren't angels supposed to be giving their blessings to others and treasuring love themselves?"

"Not in Skyworld." Pit admitted. "Maybe in Celestia but not in the capital of heaven where it's only used to move up the ladder. Age and status is incredibly important to those rich assholes. If I got married back then when during that time when your age had you forfeit your power regardless of accomplishment, it was a way to prevent any youthful individual from standing out and stealing their position. When I said I got lucky back then, I meant it. I asked Virtue to fake our engagement and everything. Lady Palutena was not happy that out of all the people I chose to fake my love for, it was bug boy."

Dark Pit blinked before he tilted his head in confusion. He felt like there was a huge contradiction in Pit's story, but chose not to bring it up. He could feel a pain in his heart when Pit was talking about the incident. If Pit was lying, then he was being a damn good liar.

"Pittoo, I'm not lying about the fake relationship if that is what you're thinking."

"No… _but you're lying about your age and the timeline this occurred._ "

"Anyways, because I asked Virtue in particular to help me out, the angels ended up being too chicken to deal with bug boy. Virtue is the strongest witch hunter in the universe, so challenging him would be stupid. Just like that, the suitors didn't nag me again even if we went back to fighting afterward. To them, I already lost my virginity just from seeing him, but I always made sure to never take the virginity test in the eyes of the Angel Assembly. I always asked Isaak's mother to help me do it, so she can keep the information private every year…and believe me, I did a good job for keeping it a secret for over 500 years. Only now is it becoming an issue with them…it pisses me off so much."

For a second, a light bulb went off in the dark angel's head at Pit's mostly true story.

"Wait…a mock wedding got you out of the situation."

"Yeah…"

"Do you think that would work instead of a real one?"

"…I don't know really. It worked once, but the Angel Assembly isn't stupid to be fooled twice. Remember, they're more furious at the age I lost my virginity rather than the fact I had sex. Even if you have a mock wedding, they'll be demanding proof and might demand you perform the act in front of them, so at least they have documented evidence of the event."

Lucina really didn't like that these angels were control freaks. Dark Pit was equally uncomfortable especially at the thought if they demanded that he performed the sacred act in front of them with someone he didn't even know or like.

"Pittoo, this is why I think the best solution is an actual marriage. A marriage with a ring, a ceremony and everything because at the very least, you can have a sexless marriage if its with someone like Lucina."

Pit needed to stop insulting Lucina even if he was trying to appeal to his younger twin. Appealing to both of them was important though…

"If you refuse them outright Pittoo, they will pursue you relentless. They will not stop until you surrender and say yes to their demands. This is how the Angel Assembly is when they have such a strong thirst for power."

"And it's your fault I'm in this situation…"

"…I'm sorry Pittoo."

"You know what Pitstain, I'm going to have you to go back to them. You can tell them to go fuck themselves because I'll never agree to their demands. I'm staying single and I will not be tied down because they think they run the heavens! I am Dark Pit, servant to no other than my own and even if I were to get married, no one in heaven is worthy of me!"

Pit gave a small smile at Dark Pit's spunk, but it would take more than just courage to deal with these persistent assholes. Sure Pit had half the Angel Assembly on his side because anyone who worked under Valerie would be more sympathetic to his cause. However the fact that Friday who was under Valerie was the one who outed him showed that not even the judge had absolute authority over the lower members.

"…Fine…but you probably won't be getting any good results for those words."

"I don't care. They're going to have to drag me back up there, force me in that stupid wedding dress and force me to say those holy vows if they want me to comply with them!"

Pit let out a huge sigh of defeat as Dark Pit got up from the bench and left. Lucina didn't want to speak to the white angel still and followed after the red eyed angel.

"Great…things are just going to get worse now…woe is me…"

* * *

Dark Pit had no idea what he was in for when he ordered Pit to tell the Angel Assembly to forget marriage plans. As long as Dark Pit had fighting power in him, he would resist all the way. Resistance didn't mean a thing to these angelic suitors who went straight to work with the wooing…and they were using the oldest trick in the book.

Now Dark Pit had to admit that he liked being showered with gifts. In Smash Brothers Mansion where he got the most hate mail for being a clone of Pit and should just quit because no one liked him and he wouldn't win the tournament anyway, it was nice to get some positivity from fans every now and then. This was not one of those situations where the angel suitors obviously didn't care about him and just gave him things that was used to woo people. This ranged from chocolate that he would give to Pit or Kirby or roses (that he simply smashed up because he wasn't interested in the red color. If they gave him black roses that would be another story entirely.) He got a lot of love letters to that were factually incorrect about him and treated him more like a female object of desire instead of his own male character. Pittoo swore that these angels were dumb as hell if they thought that these presents were going to make him happy.

Happiness didn't seem to be their top priority nor was the quality important to them. The plan was to keep sending his presents until he got buried in their "affection" to the point that Pittoo would beg for them to stop and marry them. It was such a demon tactic that the dark angel had to admit that these angels were capable of being slick.

It would get to the point though where throwing them in the trash wasn't going to do much for the angel twin's room when it started piling up to the point they would have to swim through the gifts. Wario would take some of the more expensive items that Pittoo was receiving but other than that, it wouldn't make much of a difference if Kirby ate everything because they would not stop even at night (and the pink vacuum wasn't going to remain awake 24-7).

Dark Pit nagged Palutena to get the angels to stop, but she could not interfere with the angel conflict like Pit said before. It made Dark Pit wonder how she expected to govern an angel city if she couldn't stop something as simple as using her magic to send all of these gifts into a black hole.

"Uh…how many suitors are there? There is no end to these annoying gifts!" Dark Pit complained as he was shuffling through all the stupid love letters that said the same thing. He swore that some of these letters were typed allowing him to classify it as spam.

"101 suitors." Pit said as he took the white chocolate in one of the chocolate boxes and plopped it into his mouth.

The crimson eyed angel could not believe his ears. "101?!"

Dark Pit was so loud that every Smasher could hear the magic number ring throughout the mansion. Some Smashers were close to the door so they jumped at the number rather than how loud the dark angel was.

"I told you Pittoo that they're relentless with the numbers. Even if only one of them can marry you, it won't stop the other hundred from coming after you and submit to their whims."

"Ridiculous…absolutely ridiculous…"

"You know, if you just marry Lucina or anyone in the mansion…or lose your virginity you could probably get them off your back."

"And I will continue to say fuck that and fuck them. I made a vow, and I'm not breaking it because of what you did, Pit!"

"I didn't do it willingly…" Pit grumbled throwing the box into the nearby trashcan before proceeding to push out as much of the romantic crap out the door. "Besides, you can avoid it all together if you gave up your chastity belt."

"Nope! Never! I'll give it up on my own terms!"

Pit shook his head annoyed how stubborn his little twin brother was being before working his way through the pile of chocolate.

Outside, Lucina intended to check up on the dark angel before hearing that outburst. Her expression became rather sour with the huge number of angels going after the black angel. He already said no, so why did they keep trying to push him into marriage into one of them? Was this what it meant to try and force an arranged marriage? She grumbled at how this wouldn't pass well in her world. An S support after all was built by trust but if these angels think they could just skip the entire process and go straight to the marriage and sex, they were in for a long, disappointing ride and for that Lucina was glad that Dark Pit continued to resist despite the trash he was being sent.

* * *

So when the gifts weren't giving the suitors any results with Dark Pit not surrendering to them, they went with plan B and that was to harass him in person. This went as well as you would expect.

Dark Pit was finally able to see the type of people that wanted to marry him and he wasn't impressed with their looks. Most of the suitors were burly older men that were way past their prime. These angels never married and only got laid by going to the human world to have sex with prostitutes while having the balls to claim the moral high ground. This was made worse how they had no idea how to act around someone they wanted to spend the rest of their life with.

Pit swore that this was starting to become a Ranma ½ comedy where these suitors started crashing through the window declaring their love for Dark Pit and demanding he marry them. Because Dark Pit said no, they would sometimes resort to trying to tackle him to the ground. The light angel wondered what they would achieve by doing this because Dark Pit had every right to smack them in the face and send them flying. This was a trend for the next couple of days forcing Dark Pit to keep his guard up and overall not sleep. He was exhausted from deflecting their advances and it affected many Smashers in the mansion. Pit and Mr. Game and Watch probably suffered the most with him. The former had to witness his dark twin get constantly harassed and often stayed up with him to protect him while the latter was the one in charge with repairing the windows. He constantly beeped whenever this occurred and he was turning red the more he had to fix the same window. R.O.B. and Megaman were nice to assist him, but he was at his limit.

Alas Dark Pit probably needed to thank Pit when things finally got out of control. He hated how his light twin was being overprotective of him over this whole marriage situation, but in a situation where falling asleep could have him wake up without his virginity was terrifying to say the least.

What happened was that the dark angel was resting in the garden after a tiresome Smash battle. It was a one on one match with Diddy Kong. He was already exhausted so he lost the match because Diddy Kong couldn't stop doing the "HOO-HAH". As he was resting on the bench waiting to meet Lucina again, the angel suitors greeted him. Now they weren't that smart as they often came in groups of five. That was a low number that Pittoo could handle without breaking a sweat. Now, at least sixty-nine suitors were crowding the garden stepping on the Pikmin that were loafing around.

"Pretty clone, come with us. We'll be gentle."

Dark Pit was disgusted how they weren't hiding how little they cared about him if they were going to address him as a clone. This was what pissed Pittoo off the most. There was no respect or love in their attempts at wooing him and they just wanted to get in his pants and get back at his older twin.

Pit just happened to be walking in the garden with Sonic joking about the movie they went to see outside the mansion. The captain's temper already flared seeing the suitors gang up on the dark angel without allowing him any breather room.

"Hey, what are you angels doing? Get back to work in Skyworld!" Pit ordered as he walked toward them.

"Oh captain!" One of the angel suitors shouted not really happy seeing the biggest obstacle walking toward them. "Tell your clone that he needs to marry one of us."

"No, he's not going to marry any of you!" Pit shouted. "You guys have no style or any grace!"

"This isn't the time for the DK Rap…" Sonic mumbled behind his angel friend.

These suitors didn't want to mess with their captain, but one of them was dumb enough to overstep his boundaries when he went over to Pit and punched him in the face knocking him to the ground. Dark Pit and Sonic were horrified at what one of the suitors did. The other suitors all gasped at what their idiot friend did. Pit was probably just as shocked at what that angel just did to him. The fire in his eyes lit up as he immediately stood up taking his bow and turning it into two blades.

"Oh…hell no…you did not just attack the captain of the royal bodyguards you ugly brute…" He growled as he resisted the urge to actually impale the angel but instead charged him and headbutt the suitor knocking him and a couple other suitors down like bowling pins. "YOU DID NOT JUST ATTACK ME, YOU STUPID BRUTE! KNOW YOUR GOD DAMN PLACE IN ANGEL SOCIETY!"

It was an all out brawl in the garden after that. The suitors didn't seem to care they were attacking the captain they were supposed to be serving made worse how Sonic and Dark Pit got pulled right into it despite Sonic's best efforts to actually get the dark angel out of the tight situation. Sonic ended up impaling a lot of the suitors with his spikes and Dark Pit ended up saying, "Fuck it!" and jumping in to punch the assholes who had been giving his life a living hell for the past couple of days. This was made worse when things got chucked at the window. A rock Pikmin apparently got thrown all the way to the fifth floor shattering the window the Goddess' were in and hitting Palutena in the back of the head when she was trying to do her hair in front of the mirror. Rosalina backed away almost immediately seeing the anger in her eyes as Palutena warped away from her chair and into the middle of the fray. All angels seized when Palutena used her magic to send them all flying making sure that her magic didn't blast the three Smashers.

"…Who threw that rock Pikmin?" Palutena asked glaring at the three Smashers and the few suitors who didn't get sent back to heaven. "I'm not that angry."

"L-Lady Palutena…" Pit mumbled looking at the red bump that was on her head.

"That's a big bump." Dark Pit exclaimed making Pit curse at how blunt he is.

"I know, Pittoo. That's why I'm going to crush whomever threw that rock Pikmin."

"Didn't you just say-"

"Pittoo, please!" Pit shouted as he rushed over to cover his mouth. "L-Lady Palutena, it was obviously one of the suitors that did that…"

"…They all need to leave." She murmured darkly at the ones who didn't get blown away. "Never come back unless you want to invoke my wrath."

The suitors didn't want to leave without Dark Pit but while they could get away with sucker punching Pit, they couldn't fight the Goddess of Light. Immediately they all turned tail and flew away back to heaven.

"I'm going to tell Sun-Wong to write your asses up for that when I get back!" Pit screamed at them. "No one attacks the captain unprovoked! No one!"

Sonic just whistled as he went over to the bush and put the rock Pikmin he had in his hands away. They were the most resilient to all the pain unlike the other Pikmin so it was a good plan at the time to throw them.

"…Pit…Dark Pit…are you two okay?" Palutena asked not bothering to ask if the blue hedgehog wasn't injured due to her knowing that he probably was the least injured due to being a spiky hedgehog.

"I just have a bruised face and ego…" Pit responded. "Those rich jerks…how dare they do that to me…"

"What about you, Dark Pit?"

"…I want those suitors to leave me alone." He answered darkly. "I don't want to get married! Do they not know that "no" means "no"? I'm sick and tired of them treating me like some object!"

Pit was going to bring up how it's not too late for him to ask Lucina to marry him. Dark Pit again rejected the offer and reminded Pit that treating Palutena's bump was more important than the situation at hand. With his white knight side activating, Pit ordered Sonic to help him get Palutena back to her room despite not needing the assistance. Once alone, Dark Pit would soon hear Mr. Game and Watch enter the garden and flip out again at the damage caused.

_I think…I should talk to Lucina about the marriage after all._

* * *

Later that evening, Dark Pit managed to get a message past to Lucina to meet him in the park of Smashopolis. Smashopolis was the metropolis outside of Smash Brothers Mansion that most Smashers tended not to go to due to everything they would ever need being delivered to them. This was the place where people from all over the universe came to watch the tournament. It was a huge tourist place owned by Master and Crazy Hand. They had many partners working with them. One was a powerful demon that Dark Pit had to communicate with due to his job as the fifth seat of the royal bodyguards to dealing with demons. This demon always scared him, but he seemed like a swell guy, so Dark Pit refused to think much of it.

Regardless, Smashopolis was still a great place to get away from. The only problem was how long it took to get there by bus that usually if someone needed to go, they would ask Sonic to do the errand for them or ask someone like Bowser to drive them in the Bowser Mobile. Otherwise the three Miis that participated in Smash matches for training purposes would take turns driving to Smashopolis and back.

Dark Pit went first after making sure Lucina got the message to relax. The city was so big that there was no way those suitors would find him. Smashopolis had everything one could ever want. An arena that hosted the Smash matches, a mall where you could buy anything you wanted and even the trade-center that allowed for buying, selling and trading items from all over the universe. Dark Pit was always amazed at all the different type of people that were around from people from the Mushroom Kingdoms, to humans and even demons. Heck, there were some Homs that managed to make it here and were having a blast. While Dark Pit didn't like crowded places, he blended in with the crowd looking like a demon.

The dark angel would waste some time before the designated time at 9:00 PM to meet up with Lucina at the park. In the daytime, the place was always crowded with different types of people. You didn't know what would happen if you were here. Dark Pit knew that Sonic came here a lot to relax. This was one of the few places that felt like Mobius to the blue wonder. At night, everything became quiet as the lights came on. Most of the night owls would come out and strange people would be walking around. Dark Pit kept his guard up in case the suitors tried to ambush him now.

Lucina was fine though especially when she came wearing her mask. The female lord realized that she did better not drawing any attention with the mask on in contrast to Pittoo who just seemed to not be noticed by anyone in the crowd. He waited for her on the bench as she took a seat right next to him.

"What did you need Dark Pit?" She questioned removing the mask so he could see her face better.

"To complain! What else would I call you here for?" Dark Pit answered honestly.

There were many other things that Dark Pit could have called her hear for such as disgusting future Smash battles, a date or a love confession. Besides the former, the latter two were out of the question given how immature the dark angel was.

"…Was it about what happened this afternoon with Pit?" Lucina asked as she took a seat right next to him.

"Yeah…"

"Pit wasn't giving me much detail of the event. What happened?"

"Those damn suitors…they have no respect for me or Pit! Who the hell did they think they were trying to kidnap me? Who the hell did they think they were for punching Pit like that?! They were lucky the Goddess showed up or they would have eaten my fists!"

When he said that, he pumped his fist into the air. Lucina listened carefully to his words as Dark Pit sat back into the bench.

"This is so ridiculous…" He growled. "At this rate…someone really is going to get hurt…and they'll blame me for it…the last thing I need is for them to resort to more drastic actions."

Lucina's eyes widened imagining the worse. "Are you…"

"No! I will not submit to them! But…" He let out a sigh of defeat before glancing at his own feet. "I…considered Pit's story about the mock wedding…"

"I was certain it was just mock dating." Lucina corrected.

"Yeah…I guess…but that's the only thing that comes to mind to get them out of my hair." He nervously glanced over to the female lord examining her expression. He needed to be careful at what he said now. "Luci…do you think it would be possible if you could help me…I mean…you don't want to get married like me, and you don't want to be involved but I…"

"Of course I'll help." She answered without hesitation. "How could I not help a friend?"

Those words stung a bit, but she gave him her approval immediately.

"Then you'll tell Chrom about the plan and…"

"He won't be happy…but he needs to play along."

The crimson eyed angel noted the aggravation in her voice. When he attempted to observe her face, Lucina was quick to put her mask back on. Dark Pit frowned wondering if Lucina was really okay with this idea. Did she think it was going to backfire or did she…

Lucina stood up hearing the rustling in the bushes. Taking Falchion, she intended to go see who was spying on them, but by the time she went over to the location, there was nothing there but white feathers.

"Luci, what is it?" Dark Pit asked not hearing anything. He must have been distracted.

"…It's nothing." She told Dark Pit as she continued to look around the park. "…Let's get back to the mansion."

There wasn't anything else to say. The dark angel slowly followed after the taller female unaware that there were some angel suitors around who witnessed the conversation and assumed the worse.

"We must tell Gaston." They all said in union as they flew off after the two Smashers left the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: TBC with 8490 words. Notes!
> 
> 1\. There are 100 Angel Rules but I don't even need to think of them all. I have enough to go by for how I treat angels, but an FYI that only a few of them will be brought up constantly.
> 
> 2\. Pittoo's favorite flower being the black rose is a reference to Fallen Angel where the reason why he sent those threatening letters to Pit with a black rose was because it was his trademark flower. Isaak picked that up and wanted to give that to him as a birthday present.
> 
> 3\. 101 suitors is a reference to Wonderful 101 obviously.
> 
> 4\. Hoo Hah is basically what was said at Apex2015 every time Diddy did a down throw to up air combo. It gets boring quickly and makes Diddy cheap when used constantly.
> 
> UPDATE: So I was asked about how exactly the Virginity Test worked. I wanted to keep it vague intentionally, but I think the solution actually isn't as perverted as Pit makes it out to be.
> 
> If you recall in Uprising, there is a weapon called the palm. One palm is called the Virgo Palm. The palm items are tattoos that attach itself to the body of whomever is using it draining the energy from the person in exchange for shooting out energy. I interpret this as draining the life energy of a person in exchange for powering up one portion of the body as the palm doesn't have to be on the arm. It can be on the leg, the head or even the butt.
> 
> The Virgo Palm in particular is unique in that it is used to test one's virginity. This palm can only be used by virgins. If the palm attaches to someone, they are a virgin and if it doesn't then the person is not a virgin. There is a loophole to using the palm despite not being a virgin. You simply force it on yourself in exchange for more energy lost due to no virginity power. The Virgo Palm is near useless to someone who is not a virgin. Pit asked Isaak's mother to force the thing on his arm every year so he can dodge the bullet of anyone finding out he had sex.
> 
> Pit and Dark Pit got tricked because of how I see palms as simply crystal balls before it is attached to someone. Friday threw the ball at the back of Pit's head. Pit just assumed the Virgo Palm was an actual ball so he didn't realize that the Virginity Test happened right there. Pit was too busy yelling at Friday for hitting him in the back of the head. The Virgo Palm then attached to Pittoo's leg without realizing it before it fell off due to how Friday apparently pushed Pittoo like the bully she is.
> 
> So in other words, Pit was an idiot for not checking to see that the ball thrown at him was the Virgo Palm. Dark Pit has no idea that the Virgo Palm is used to test one's virginity so he wouldn't notice a thing plus he doesn't use palms in my headcanon. I'll be playing around with this later because Dark Pit when equipped with the Virgo Palm is incredibly powerful but at the same time, he's wearing his virginity on his arm.


	2. The Glove Slap and the Loophole

So things apparently settled down after Palutena told the suitors off and the delayed attack made Dark Pit drop his guard and prevented him from nagging Lucina after asking Chrom about the marriage. None of the Smashers would be expecting a flashy appearance from one of the Angel Assembly members who had eyes on the dark angel.

It occurred in the main hall where the door just flung open with the red carpet and everything. A few of the Smashers were in the area and when the angel known as Gaston came trotting in uninvited, the first thing that came out of Link's mouth was, "Is that Groose?"

Jokes aside, Pit really didn't want to see the angel known as Gaston and if the first thing that came to mind was Beauty and the Beast, it wasn't a bad interpretation especially with how Gaston was a narcissist.

Gaston was an incredibly tall angel that one had to wonder if he was on steroids. He had short blond hair and blue eyes. His tunic was on the verge of ripping because he was buff. He wore two huge white gloves on his hand. For an angel, it was disgusting to have a goatee, but to show off how manly he was compared to the other angels, he kept it like a badge. Only one thing ran through Pit's mind seeing the angel suitors that worked under him surround him and treat him like he was the angel captain.

"What the hell is this Gaston? A Disney musical? Lady Palutena told you all to get out!"

"She has no power in the Angel Assembly!" He declared immediately. Oh would Pit love to see his Goddess whack him with her scepter. "I have come to call you on your lies!"

"Oh, my lies? That's rich! What did I do now according to you guys?"

"Heh heh…ha ha ha!" He let out one of those annoying rich people's laugh as he pointed toward Pit with an evil glint in his eyes. "You don't want your clone to be married off so you're going to pair him up with a human. Well, one of the rules is that you cannot marry someone without changing history!"

"…What?"

"Don't play dumb! You want to marry your clone to the Hero King, Marth!"

Marth wanted to come into the mansion after his walk and hearing his name from the weird angels blocking the way made him slowly back up. The suitors ended up grabbing the blue haired prince and shoving him into the room causing Pit to grumble at how wrong they were.

"Umm…leave me out of this?" Marth said in a question format.

"No, Gaston!" Pit shouted seeing Marth getting dragged into this angel fight. "Why would I ask Mr. Fancy Pants when he's engaged?"

 _Because you did._ Marth grumbled to himself.

"Last night the suitors heard your clone talking to the Hero King to marry! You are effectively trying to change history for doing so! What would his fiancé think?"

"I was sleeping…" Marth murmured. "You angels are weird. Pit, can you get them to apologize for grabbing me like that. If they messed up my hair…"

"Who cares about your hair when you're going to comb it out anyway? Besides, I didn't ask Marth! I made sure to marry Pittoo with Lucina."

Desperate times called for desperate measures. He still didn't have any of their approval but he just needed to get the Angel Assembly to leave before trying to bide more time. Gaston raised an eyebrow not really convinced of Pit's words.

"Who?"

"A newcomer who is the Hero King's descendant."

There was another angel that was behind the buff one. Pit didn't see her originally but given how she and Gaston always worked together, he should not be surprised.

"Arcadia…"

"Captain…"

Arcadia was a beautiful angel that Pit had to admit that despite being an ice queen that she was someone that should be sought after…except she was engaged to the ice angel Mcenche due to his family status. She had long, silky, midnight black hair made into a Japanese princess cut to remain the traditional Eastern hairstyle. She had a cute pink headband that defrosted her icy persona only slightly, but it wasn't enough for Pit to like her at all. Her kimono had flowers in the shape of ice crystals making it look the kimono had ice petals as the main design. Combine the cool look with her cold gray eyes, she was someone that you didn't want to mess with. Pit had often clashed with her regardless of appearance and personality and it never ended well unless Sun-Wong and Mcenche where there to back him up.

"You need to keep up with the newcomers, Gaston." Arcadia told him sternly. "The dumb suitors probably assumed it was Marth…but might I ask the suitors if the Smasher was wearing a mask?"

The suitors who were stalking Dark Pit last night looked at each other and then all declared yes at the same time. Their voices almost caused Pit's ears to bleed.

"You see?"

Gaston just laughed after being corrected. Never wanting to admit that the suitors he sent to spy on Pittoo messed up, he changed the argument right there that only ended up insulting Arcadia.

"Ha ha, so its not a man but a she-man?"

Lucina flinched at the insult hurled at her. Was it necessary to insult her appearance? Pit wasn't pleased with how Gaston was acting.

"Hey, respect a lady when you see one!"

"Hmph. No respect for a woman who dresses up like a man. Your clone is not going to marry someone like that." He snickered as he gave out a shiny smile. "The only one your clone can look good with is the handsome angel known as Gaston."

"Argh…I already told you that the marriage is already set…so you can take your damn angels and leave before I whoop your ass you pedophile!"

"P-Pedophile! You are the last person to talk with whom you sleep with. I wouldn't be surprised if you went to the Netherworld and humped the spoiled prince there!"

"Ha! As if! He's not my type!"

Overhearing the fight between the angels only made Dark Pit wanted to jump into the main hall and shout at Pit for speaking for him. That was what he ended up doing despite the request of standing back by the other Smashers and letting Pit handle the other angels who had the nerve to barge in uninvited.

"Pit, don't you dare lie about my life!" Dark Pit shouted jumping down the higher corridor to reach the captain who was cursing at Dark Pit jumping into the conversation now of all times. "Who said I was going to marry Lucina? Oh wait, that was you and I already said I'm not getting married! I have made that clear multiple times Pitstain and you keep pushing for something I don't want!"

Pit was not having Dark Pit's rebellious nature today. If it were any other day, it would be tolerable but in front of the two worse Angel Assembly members was suicide. Gaston was grinning from ear to ear seeing the light angel's expression darken toward his clone.

"Pittoo…go back to your room. Us adults are talking."

He was pulling that card and that insult was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"W-What? Adults?! Who is the adult in this room? I only see a bunch of man children and one of them has the face of a child!"

Pit really hated being referred to as a child, but he should have seen this coming.

"Oh, I'm a man child?! That's rich coming from you, Pittoo! You do not understand how serious this situation is! You're coming in shouting like a lunatic about how you're not going to marry!"

"I'm not! I made that decision and nothing is going to change it!"

"Do you think anyone cares about your opinion, Pittoo?!"

"…What?"

"Look, just for once in your life…just fucking listen to me!" Pit cursed. He should not have lost his temper to his dark twin, but he couldn't afford to let these angels dictate Pittoo's life and if he had to do it…

"…No…why should I?" Dark Pit asked getting ready to punch in the face for his attitude. "Who was the one who told me to go to heaven that day? It was you! Who was the one who got caught breaking the angel law? It was you! Who is the one the Angel Assembly cares to ruin? It's you Pit and you're dragging me down with you! You got to cover your own ass after all!"

"Why you little…"

"You don't care about me Pit! It was always about you! You never bothered to ask me how I felt about the situation or work anything out! You just want to do everything yourself! I won't get married no matter what happens so you should be the one to listen to me!"

Gaston laughed at the scene before him. Oh how he loved seeing Pit stressed out and talked down to by his inferior replica.

"Ha-ha-ha! It appears that even your clone disagrees with the statement that he's getting married to this Lucina she-man."

Pit shook his head trying his best to disregard Pittoo's opinion but he already caused the worse possible outcome when Gaston gave a sinister stare toward the dark angel. Dark Pit never looked at Gaston straight in the eyes before so actually seeing the work caused him to freeze in place.

"Well, Captain, because of how the situation is, I invoke angel rule number forty-seven."

"No way!" Pit shouted not realizing that he already turned his bow into two blades. Arcadia immediately met him with her katana to his neck. "G-Get out of the way you damn ice queen!"

"If you attack Gaston, you are committing a worse crime. Stand down."

"Hah, you can't be serious…you bitch!"

"Language, Captain." Gaston said in a mocking tone as he waved his finger around. Those other suitors that were behind Gaston were faster than Dark Pit expected. He yelped when they grabbed at his arms preventing him from getting his weapon or moving from where he was standing. Gaston then took something out of his tunic pocket that appeared to be a black handkerchief. "If someone is resisting your advances; you have the right to throw the handkerchief at their face or chest to claim them as your own."

Dark Pit couldn't believe there was a rule like this. Looking over at Pit, it was obvious what Pit was trying to avoid this entire time.

"W-What?"

Gaston just laughed preparing to throw the handkerchief. "Oh you naïve replica." He mocked. "We don't need your words to get you in a cute wedding dress. We just invoke the rule."

"Fucking rapist…" Pit accused causing Arcadia to push the angel captain back.

"Are you forgetting the second part, Pit?" Arcadia asked with her cold smile. "This rule cannot apply unless the situation is dire or scandalous. Pit, your twin just admitted that you were going to force him into a marriage with someone he did not like. Wouldn't that be considered abusive?"

"Oh no you did not just…"

Gaston laughed seeing the horrified look that both angels gave him.

"You played right into my trap. If your naïve clone actually thought the situation through, we wouldn't have to resort to this."

To the Smashers and everyone there, it was an abuse of power thrown at their leader just to spite him. The entire time, Pit was only thinking of trying to prevent disaster from befalling his twin's life and ended up being overprotective, but if his big brother instinct is interpreted as being an abusive sibling, then he screwed them both over. Dark Pit was slowly realizing what was happening and struggled to break free.

"Don't worry! With me, you'll be in good hands."

"Never…I won't…"

"The Cherub watches over us all. He will make sure not a single vow is broken."

Pit ended up turning to Palutena with pleading eyes almost immediately. Arcadia chuckled seeing Pit's last resort was to run to his Goddess.

"She has no power in our angel affairs." She reminded the angel captain coldly. "Realize that and accept your clone's marriage."

"If killing wasn't a law…I would murder all of you…" Pit said in a threatening tone.

"Watch your tongue, captain. You are in our territory."

Palutena was visibly disturbed by the cruelty these angels were displaying. It was the same as what occurred 2000 years ago. The Angel Assembly and archangels were not under her command and the evil archangel wreaked havoc in her name. Even with the evil archangel being banished, his daughter Arcadia would continue his legacy and it was showing now with her passive-aggressive stance against Pit working with the same man from 2000 years ago to control the younger generation of angels with what they have left. Rosalina looked toward Palutena who wanted to step in for her angels, but knew in her heart that it would only make the situation worse. Watching from above while this occurred only broke her heart more.

The other Smashers were specifically told not to interfere with this angel squabble, but it was very hard not to when Dark Pit was being signed off to be raped by this arrogant prick. Everybody expected Palutena to interfere, but seeing how she kept her stone cold face in the situation, the dark angel was doomed.

"D-Dammit…don't touch me…" Dark Pit murmured seeing Gaston come a little closer. "P-Pit…"

Again Arcadia was preventing Pit from even going over to stab Gaston. One false move and he might be dead and even if Arcadia was killed for that, it would be a bigger blow to the royal bodyguards and Palutena than the Angel Assembly losing her.

Lucina witnessed the injustice happening in front of her and prepared to strike after donning her mask again. Rob placed a hand on her shoulder whispering in her ear that if she moves then she'll be dragged into this.

"Those bird-brains hate us." Rob told her. "It's best to stay back."

"And do nothing while they carry him off?!" Lucina asked taking Falchion preparing to charge. "I will not let my friend be harmed and humiliated like this!"

"Lucina please…" Robin mumbled but she was ignored.

Both tacticians watched as Lucina charged when Gaston threw the handkerchief toward the dark angel. It might not have any magical implication to it, but it only took one hit to seal the deal. Dark Pit closed his eyes cursing at how he was going to be tied down to this monster only to be surprised when Lucina intervened and sliced the handkerchief to pieces. The angels were surprised at this interference. Pit sighed in relief that someone stepped in when he couldn't.

"H-How dare you!" Gaston yelled as Lucina immediately pushed the angels away from Pittoo after the failed handkerchief throw. "H-Have you realized what you have done you damn human?"

Dark Pit enjoyed seeing the angels holding him down run back toward their master. He loved it even more how Lucina was standing in front of her with sword in hand. She was like one of those prince in those fairytale stories now with how she didn't even need to wear the mask to jump in but did so anyway for added effect (and coolness).

"No…how dare you!" Lucina countered back. "You angels who are supposed to represent the love and harmony amongst the people attempt to use your Angel Laws to trap others into an unhappy marriage. Shame on you! When someone says no, they mean no! You don't get to force them because of your position! This is not how love is gained. You earn love by trust and only then do you have the right to propose!"

The dark angel felt incredibly loved at the moment. He had a hard time hiding his blush so he ended up pulling his scarf up to prevent anyone from seeing it. "Luci…"

Pit was happy to add something to Lucina's speech that Arcadia had no way to counteract. "There's one more part to rule forty-seven. "If someone can prove that there is no consent, then intersecting and destroying the handkerchief is allowed without being accused of ruining the holy matrimony." How is that you dumb Angel Assembly brutes?"

Lucina would not have known there was a third part of the rule, but it worked out in Dark Pit's favor. Would they leave him alone now because Lucina effectively cut down their argument?

Obviously not. Gaston's face was boiling with rage seeing how happy Pit was that someone unintentionally brought up the third part. Since Pit claimed that Lucina was Pittoo's soulmate and she went out of her way to protect him, the second portion of the rule had no ground to stand on because she verified Pit's claim. If they were to proceed with the wedding, then Dark Pit would be safe as well as Pit's position as the captain of the royal bodyguards.

"I ask with honesty, why would you angels harm each other when your goal is to spread love and happiness? I don't understand why something like a law would change that."

"Stupid human…" Arcadia murmured. "If we let this stupid captain get away with one law, he'll get away with all of them."

"You think I would honestly break the law?" Pit asked annoyed feeling his temper cool now that Dark Pit was out of the clearing.

"You just threatened us."

"Uh-huh…whatever."

"Unforgivable…" Gaston could be heard mumbling as the other angel suitors attempted to calm him down. "Unforgivable…unforgivable…unforgivable! I will not have my plans ruined by some human!"

"Well, ain't he charming?" Dark Pit murmured still hiding behind Lucina. This angel really scared him even if he didn't want to admit it.

"You want to interfere with our angel affair? Find you'll be in the center of it all! Let's duel!"

Gaston removed one of the gloves from his hand and threw it at the female lord. She didn't dodge the glove because she thought he was just throwing a temper tantrum. By refusing to dodge, it hit her smack in the face. All the angels in the room along with the Goddesses gasped at what just occurred. Pit even turned blue at the turn of events.

"There it is…" One of the angel suitors murmured.

"Rule forty-six! The glove slap!"

Lucina only interpreted it as a duel, but it looked like the angels were retreating after he declared that. Arcadia backed up away from Pit with an expression that rivaled his own.

"Gaston, what are you doing?! Why would you do that?!" She shouted losing her cool.

"This human wants to play the knight in shining armor. Well, the little lady is going to know that role isn't suited for women and once she loses, I expect a clean execution from Cherub!"

Dark Pit was still confused. If it was a duel to the death, Lucina would win but Pit was shivering at the concept.

"I never want to be on the receiving end of a glove slap…" Pit could be heard muttering to himself. "But now my friend is in danger of being killed…this is the worse…"

Arcadia had to pull back with the rest of the angel suitors.

"Where are you going, you coward? Come at me!" Lucina shouted feeling insulted that Gaston turned his back on her after throwing the white glove.

"Tomorrow in Skyworld, you better show up for the duel." Gaston told her in a threatening tone. He wore the face of a demon now that sent shivers down Lucina's spine staring into his evil eyes. "If you don't show up, Cherub will kill you. Nobody hit by the glove can back out of the duel now. You'll be dead. You'll be fighting all 101 suitors by yourself." He laughed at the idea seeing how confused Lucina was. "It's just one puny little girl who thinks she can save her pathetic clone. You'll draw your last breath and then that clone will still be my lovely bride." He looked toward Pittoo who was shaking now. "Enjoy your last day single you replica because when I kill your precious lady knight, we're going to be married off to the Golden Land. You have no saying in this!"

"W-What…but that's…no…"

Gaston chuckled seeing Pit fall to his knees in shock. "It didn't have to come to this captain. If only you convinced your clone to say yes sooner, then he wouldn't have to see a precious friend be killed by my hands tomorrow. I can't wait to see your face tomorrow when I effectively remove you from power. Ha-ha-ha!"

The few angel suitors who didn't leave praised Gaston for having one more trick up his ally. With his speech done, he stormed out of the mansion flying off with everyone. Arcadia was the last to leave looking at Pit with a concerned look before putting the cold expression back on before flying off. It was almost like Arcadia was pitying her enemy.

When the angels left (unrolling the red carpet backwards in the process), the Smashers were free to move around without worrying of walking into an angel conflict. Palutena and Rosalina immediately went over to the angels. Palutena checked to see if Pit was going to collapse on her, but seeing how he was just going to mumble the same thing over again, she had to pick him off the ground herself. Rosalina went over to Dark Pit to see if he received any injuries. Besides the bruises for being gripped too hard, he was fine overall.

"This is not good…" Palutena mumbled seeing the other Smashers rushing over to Lucina and Pittoo to make sure they were okay. "Someone will lose their life tomorrow."

"L-Lady Palutena…you got to tell Cherub to stop the duel…" Pit murmured weakly in her arms. "Lucina will die…"

"Woah, hey! You giving up on Luci?!" Dark Pit asked with a hint of fear in his tone seeing the older twin quaking in fear.

"…Palutena, you must explain to the Smashers what will occur tomorrow." Rosalina articulated to her friend.

"Yes…I have to…Lucina…your life is on the line because of what just happened, so you must listen to what I have to say."

Lucina was still confused at what just happened. It was just a simple duel to the death with her winning and that Gaston begging like the coward he demonstrated to be, right?

* * *

There was one room that was perfect for all the Smashers to be in at once to have a serious discussion and that was Master Hand's room. Granted he apparently could shape it to how he saw fit when someone entered, but in a situation like this, the entire room looked like a meeting room with everyone being able to take a seat around the table…but the way it was positioned was that the most important people got to sit in the center while more seats were seen in the outer circle. There would have been a joke how this looked like the place S.H.I.E.L.D. met up in, but this wasn't Marvel…it was Nintendo…

"Are we allowed in here?" Shulk questioned while glancing around Master's room for the first time. "Both of the Hands aren't around today…"

"Oh it will be fine. It's important." Palutena told him in her upbeat tone. "Pit, are you okay now?"

"No…I'll never be okay…" Pit grumbled before forcing himself out of his Goddess' arms. "They traced the trail before I was 1800…they're harassing my poor twin and Lucina is going to die tomorrow because of Cherub!"

Chrom was not pleased with how Pit was acting now. Did he just put his daughter in danger after warning the white angel to not rush into things? Palutena sighed as she ordered everyone to take a seat so she could lecture the Smashers on the current situation.

The Smashers who needed to hear this was ordered to sit in the front circle while those who weren't really interested like the Pokémon and Wario.

"Are you going to explain what these ridiculous rules are?" Chrom questioned waiting to blow his top at the light angel.

"Certainly. Before anyone assumes anything, I did not come up with these 100 Angel Laws."

"But aren't you in charge of the angel society?" Ike questioned rather surprised that despite Pit's worshipping of the Goddess of Light that she didn't come up with these laws. Then again, hearing the Angel Assembly talk about two of them made him realize Palutena wouldn't think of something so ridiculous.

"Yes and no…" The Goddess of Light replied not sounding to excited to be admitting that. "Pit can explain it better than I can…if he's still not thinking this whole situation is hopeless."

"Uhh…" Pit grumbled as he had to speak for Palutena. "Lady Palutena has no authority in heaven. She serves as our Goddess. She is our voice that gives us advice and she can only govern when the situation is incredibly desperate. Otherwise, us angels are left to our own actions and push her out so she doesn't influence us. That is so stupid though!" Pit added that last part because this was his own opinion of the angels being independent. "The way our angel society works now is that we're split into five regions. The irony is how Lady Palutena is the head of the capital of heaven, but the Angel Assembly won't accept her as a leader only using Lady Palutena as a scapegoat if something goes wrong. That's messed up and the society has to change!"

"…But…Pitstain…isn't the idea you're suggesting not any better?" Dark Pit asked. "You have whined about how the angels should accept Palutena as their leader, but that has its consequences too…"

Palutena rolled her eyes a response because what Dark Pit said was true. She would probably use them to get more things done than just use Pit and the royal bodyguards for everything. The Angel Assembly despite being mostly made up of rich pricks was made up of a diverse cast of powerful angels. Minus Gaston, the rest of them had some connection outside of Skyworld and could be taken advantage of such as Valerie's ability to be able to go straight to the Evergreen Galaxy in the Worldly Realm due to being a half-fairy from his mother's side. Elves from that region would be a powerful ally in the future…

"Yes, but Lady Palutena wouldn't go all Nazi on us, right Lady Palutena?"

"I don't know, Pit. It would be nice to put them in their place."

"…You're not helping my argument…" Pit growled before getting back to the topic at hand. "Anyway, the 100 Angel Laws was made over 2000 years ago when the angel society started. Most of the first ten laws are fine, but as the Angel Assembly became more power hungry, they added rules just to keep everyone in line. That's why you get some stupid rule like rule thirty-four."

Pit needed to remember that rule thirty-four meant something else to everyone not in the angel realm. Dark Pit lacked the understanding of the rule so when half the Smashers burst into a fit of laughter, the light angel felt a headache coming on repeating that ridiculous rule.

"Oh shut up! It has nothing to do with porn on the Internet! _And everyone in Smash has porn of them in some shape or form on the Internet…even me._ "

"And what is this rule thirty-four might I ask?" Marth questioned with a smug smile plastered on his face.

"…You are not allowed to have sex in heaven. If caught, there will be a trial and you will probably be cast to hell for your lustful sins. **If you're going to have sex, you do it in the human world.** Angels should not have to clean up with your sinful acts on the street."

And anyone who wasn't laughing was snickering now. Wario was probably laughing the hardest and Pit just sighed at how immature the Smashers were. Even Lucina who tried to remain serious had her expression crack probably at how absurd the rule was.

"…And that's the rule I try to use when I'm doing my things off duty…" Pit grumbled not wanting to talk about his sex life. "…According to the Angel Assembly…I broke rule thirty-five…everyone please…stop laughing…this is really serious."

"Can I ask again what is that?"

"Marth, you are such a jerk." Pit grumbled. " **Age of consent** in heaven is generally 1800. Anything below that is considered rape and will be treated as the worse crime committed."

"Is that really a thing?" Sonic questioned. "Does anyone really care about the age as long as it doesn't dip into the pedophilia category?"

"Nope…except when it's about stripping people of their position." Pit answered seeing the glint in Sonic's eyes. Sonic probably wouldn't do well with a rule like that implemented in Mobius. "They traced my history back, and now they want to get back at me by having Pittoo marrying into their corrupt rankings."

"Again…your fault." Dark Pit told him simply.

"…I know it is, and I told you all the ways to avoid the suitors altogether before they started using these horrible laws that force the marriage based on bias and vague information!"

"Rule forty-six and forty-seven." Palutena continued. "Rule forty-six is, "If you feel like your love was stolen away from you or if you want to take someone's love as your own, you have permission to throw a white glove in the face of the person. The two of you will have a duel with the judge of the Angel Assembly being the referee. The winner either takes the lover as his or her own while the loser is banished from heaven forever. If a human, demon or alien loses though, they get executed. No one shall interrupt the holy matrimony again." Rule forty-seven is, "Pertaining to the above, if someone is resisting your advances; you have the right to throw the handkerchief at their face or chest to claim them as your own. This rule cannot apply unless the situation is dire or scandalous in manner like if someone claims someone you feel is being abused. Otherwise, this is rejected by either the above rule concerning rape and consent and if someone intersects the item by destroying it." Yeah…I wouldn't make laws like this…"

"But once rule forty-six is in effect, there is no escape from the duel." Pit added. "Cherub, the second angel of the angel hierarchy has this power that allows him to track down people who instigate the glove slap in heaven. That guy must think that angels have absolute power because it always leans toward angels who challenge others. They lose and they only get thrown in hell like Palutena stated. Anyone else gets executed by Cherub never to raise his or her fist against the angels again…"

"That angel said there would be 101 angels in this battle…that does not sound like a duel." Lucina brought up a little concerned with how terrifying these angel laws were.

"In this situation, the only reason why you would be fighting 101 angels instead of just Gaston is because they're all pursuing Pittoo. The law is vague enough to where even if Gaston threw the glove, they can participate to where the one who marries the person they are fighting for kills the one who the glove hit. Its such a disgusting display of a power grab because those suitors have no loyalty to Gastard."

Dark Pit absorbed the information quickly and was horrified at where this was going. "Wait…what about the person being fought over! Do they get a saying?"

"No."

"Why?!"

"That's how the duel is set up." Pit explains with an unhappy expression. "This is why you never want to get involved in a glove slap. The only person who benefits is the one who issues the challenge. The person they may be dueling might not even have a relationship with them or is married and isn't capable of fighting a bully. The one being fought over has their rights forfeited without his or her consent. They can only watch as someone they care about fights for them. It's very cruel…"

"Yet, you attend almost all the duels that occur." Palutena mentions with a small smile.

"…I do because it's the duty as the captain of the royal bodyguards to make sure no real foul play goes on." Pit murmurs. "I don't enjoy it…except when the good guys win…but that usually doesn't happen."

"Of course not. The duel favors the challenger after all."

Things were looking grim for both Dark Pit and Lucina. Dark Pit was going to get married off regardless of how he felt and Lucina would die if she would be forced to fight 101 angels.

"…Is there a loophole in the duel?" Robin asked that got Pit's attention. "If the duel favors the challenger, there must be one advantage that the one being attacked has, right?"

Pit and Palutena glanced at each other as if Robin said something that most people wouldn't think of. Rosalina decided to continue the explanation knowing exactly what the white angel and the Goddess of Light were thinking.

"The one being challenged is allowed to have his or her family involved."

"And what is the definition of family?"

"Anything you want it to be." Rosalina answered with a rather huge smile by her standards.

The light bulb went off for the Robin twins as they looked at each other and smirked.

"…Then that means Chrom could participate in the match." Robin suggested.

"Not just Chrom, but me and you as well." Rob added. "And by that definition, Marth, Ike and everyone in the Shepherds."

"Now you're talking!" Pit exclaimed.

"Pit…were you aware of the loophole?" Dark Pit asked.

"Yeah…"

"Then why all doom and gloom?"

"…No one has really exploited this family thing to the extreme of family equals the many friends you have. I can imagine Cherub allowing Lucina's family and maybe Marth and Ike but everyone else is just pushing it…and its 101 powerful angels we're talking about…so I don't know how many people would join together for one cause within the next couple of hours."

Marth didn't want to be dragged into it, but those suitors messed up his hair so there was that, but at the same time, it wouldn't be stupid to let his descendant fight this battle alone. Even if the Hero King was on the cocky side now, he still valued his friends and would protect them with all of his heart. He might not be close with Dark Pit, but injustice was being done in front of him. In contrast, Ike was ready once it was suggested he could join in on the brawl. Chrom however…

"…How much time do you think we will have Robin to gather everyone who fought Grima with us?"

"Depends on where everyone is." Robin admitted. "What do you think Palutena? Would you lend us your power to send us back home and gather our allies before the duel or would you be meddling in an angel affair?"

"No, this wouldn't be meddling in their rule book. Family means getting everyone together and the one being challenged has the right to defend themselves with a wall of friends. If Rosalina is willing to assist me, we could probably have everyone gathered before noon tomorrow. However…" Palutena glanced at Robin's figure and frowned. "I don't believe we should be sending you into battle given your condition."

Robin immediately covered her stomach as a response and scowled. "But…"

"Sis, Henry, Morgan and I will pick up the slack. You can sit next to Pit and make sure not to overexert yourself. You wouldn't want your baby to be injured in any shape or form, right?"

"…But I came up with the idea, so…"

Rob looked over to Chrom who was the only one who could stop Robin from doing anything extremely careless.

"It's alright." Chrom told her as he went over to the female tactician and patted her on the head. "I'll have Rob come with me and explain the situation to everyone. Just make sure to get some good rest."

"Argh…really now…"

Pit looks over to Marth who was still deciding whether or not he wanted to go back to his world and asked for assistance. Even if his timeline was now at peace, there was still some drama going on that the Hero King would rather not talk about. Link saw the distress in his friend too, but he waved it off and told Rosalina he'll be ready to go.

"I doubt this will take long." Ike stated. "You know how my connections are in my world Palutena. It will only take a few hours."

"Right. Rosalina, you take care of Marth and I'll be sending Ike, Chrom and Rob off."

"Umm…are you going to be okay, Rob?" Shulk asked with worried.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"…You have that look in your eyes…"

"H-Huh? You worry too much."

Shulk just worried that he wasn't doing this for all the wrong reasons. If his sister is pregnant, he shouldn't be thinking of what he could do better with her in that condition.

Lucina stayed silent watching the others make the decision for her. She couldn't bring up how she would rather do this alone for Dark Pit, but seeing how the odds were stacked against her, there was nothing she could do but allow the loophole to happen. Pit noticed the worried look on the female lord and apologized to her.

"I'm sorry Lucina. I wish it wouldn't have had come to this…"

"No…it's fine. I can see why you wanted to force the marriage between me and Dark Pit."

"Better that than have someone get killed over some dumb cherry-picked law."

Because Lucina was worried about the battle for tomorrow, she wouldn't notice the unreadable look that Dark Pit was giving her. She needed all the sleep in the world for tomorrow because like it or not, she was going to either die to protect her friend's happiness (and virginity) or be married off to said friend.

* * *

The moon came up in the sky soon enough and everything was starting to quiet down in Smash Brothers Mansion. To those who would not be participating in the plan tomorrow just went to bed only slightly worried that there was a chance that Lucina would be killed tomorrow. Those coming up with the plans went out of their way to leave the mansion in order to gather as many allies as they could. Marth, Ike, Chrom and Rob all needed to do this before the next day. This left the ladies to ponder tomorrow's events. Despite Robin not being able to participate in tomorrow's match, she had high hopes for everyone especially if her husband was involved. Oh, there was going to be a bloodbath that he would enjoy immensely.

"I wish I was as optimistic as you." Lucina said with a sigh after she finished changing into her cute blue pajamas. "Father and everyone else do not need to fight with me. I am capable of handling this alone."

"Lucina, stop talking about that. That angel threatened one of us? He threatened all of us and now we're going to fight with you tomorrow." Robin told her as she let out a yawn. "Nothing to fear when I'm on the case. A good tactician has nothing to fear after all."

Lucina still wasn't convinced…especially when Robin was inserting herself as one of the fighters despite sitting out this one (but she was taking the credit for coming up with the plan, so that was probably why she was forcing herself as being part of the group). Something in the back of her mind was still bugging her.

"Besides, when you win, you get to marry your prince charming. Aren't you happy about that?"

"But it's too soon…we do not have any say in denying the marriage according to Pit…"

"But if you like him, then why would it matter if you marry early? You'll just build your love from there. Besides, it's better you marry him then some narcissist, right?"

There was a knock at the door after she said that. Robin couldn't help but smirk when she went over to open the door and see the dark angel on the other side.

"Aww, speak of the devil."

"Excuse me? I need to talk to Luci."

"Oh, you can do more than just that tonight." Robin hummed as she quickly stepped out. "I'll leave you two alone tonight."

"H-Huh, where are you going Robin?"

"I might be crashing in my brother's room. He hates it when I'm alone with Shulk."

"…Evil…" Dark Pit murmured as he saw the female tactician walk away with a rather dopey grin on her face. "She's like her husband…it's scary…and she's Chrom's tactician?"

"She was sane…before Henry…" Lucina murmured not bothering to turn toward the dark angel. "Please close the door before you come in."

Dark Pit obeyed as he closed the door behind him making sure to lock it in case anyone tried to walk in. He blushed at the idea of anything happening and given what he was wearing…he probably was pushing it.

When Lucina turned around to see the dark angel, she couldn't help but smile slightly at how kiddie his pajamas were. It might have come from the fact that Palutena bought the two angels nightwear that had adorable animals on it, but Dark Pit had no problem wearing cute pajamas with happy bats and spiders on it. For Dark Pit, it was Halloween every night when he put them on. Naturally he blushed catching her observant eye.

"P-Please don't stare…you know I don't have much to wear at night."

"You love cute animals…"

"W-What is wrong with that? A-As long as no one else finds out about that stupid detail…"

His face was a tomato now with Lucina breaking out into a small laugh. Dark Pit wanted to leave and go back to his room but chose not to thinking Pit was still there upset with him.

"…Luci…I need to talk…"

"About tomorrow?"

"…You have to fight tomorrow." Dark Pit stated the obvious going over to her with a concerned look. "I can't tell you to just forget about me. According to Pit, if you don't show up, Cherub will kill you. I can't believe they have a rule where no one can run away…there will always be a loser…all because of that stupid virginity test…"

"Dark Pit…you're not."

"N-No way! I didn't come here for that!" The black angel exclaimed. "I'm not a pervert!"

The two Smashers ended up taking a seat on her bed. Lucina waited for why the dark angel was here in the room besides the easy way out of having sex to negate the whole thing. Well, even if the two had sex the duel would still go on with the only difference was that Gaston lost either way because the one thing he obviously wanted more than taking Pit down was claiming a virgin for his own by law. Just the thought alone angered Lucina because there shouldn't be a law that allows for rape in a marriage.

"Win or lose tomorrow Luci…I feel like I need to tell you now…" Dark Pit mumbled shyly looking to the female lord for some comfort before continuing. "...Out of all the people in the universe…I wouldn't mind marrying you…you're…alright." He shook his head realizing how bad that sounded, so he immediately tried to backtrack. "No! That's not what I meant! I like you a lot Luci, honest! It's just that…"

"…As in like-like or like as a friend?"

"Umm…uh…both?"

Again he shuffled nervously around the Ylissean princess. With the intention of calming him down, Lucina placed her hand over his, but that only made him tense up more. He didn't pull away.

"I hate marriage…and the concept of being tied down…" Dark Pit mumbled darkly. "Just a few hundred more years and then I would consider it…I haven't even seen the universe that Pit keeps talking about…he tells me that in a couple of years I'll be able to fly on my own because my wings aren't broken. I try not to be optimistic…but I end up being excited when I lay down and think at night. It means I can finally be free…with the only worry of Pit dying and I just drop dead…"

"Dark Pit…"

"The only thing that will benefit from this marriage…is being with you all the time…I wouldn't mind that…I would like that actually."

Now it was Lucina's turn to blush. The way the red eyed angel worded things could be so sincere sometimes that it made her heart race. The idea of traveling the universe though…

"I would love to join you when the time comes."

"H-Huh?"

"…There's nothing at home…" Lucina admitted with a frown. "Grima is dead and I'm already born…after the tournament…I can't be with my parents anymore. I will be wandering the world with no place to return to."

"That's not…"

"But if I'm married to you, I'll get special privilege right? Time slows down when you're with the one you love, right?"

Wait, did she just say love? Lucina realized that but refused to take it back knowing Dark Pit returned her feelings at this point.

"Maybe…I don't know how it works…might have to ask Pitstain…but…" He turned to her with a grave expression now. "Lucina, don't die tomorrow. More painful than being married to some buff freak…I can't bear to think that your death would be on me…"

Even if Lucina was worried, talking with Dark Pit eased her mind. She just smiled as she let go of his hand only to ruffle his hair. "You have nothing to fear. I will win for your sake. Dark Pit, you're more than a friend at this point. You are someone I cherish deeply."

"Luci…"

"Besides…" Instead of a kiss like Dark Pit would have hoped, the female lord pulled away with a huge smile that didn't really suit her face or the situation. "Think of the other things we can do when married."

"…But it's a rushed marriage…"

"It will work like father's marriage did."

"Uh-huh…Chrom married his wife because she gave him a lap dance…and then you got Robin marrying a psychopath because he made her laugh…your definition of fun worries me."

"Don't forget Rob and how he's trying to skip straight to the S support." Lucina said with a bigger grin than she already had.

"Luci…you're scaring me."

"Sorry…" She said immediately going back to her usual scowl. "I guess improving the mood isn't my thing."

"Nah…it's usually mine when I'm in a good mood." Dark Pit said as he decided to get a little intimidate. She was surprised the dark angel crawled into her arms so he sat in her lap. "I have to admit…I'll be happy I can do this all the time when we're married. You're so warm…and you smell good..."

"D-Dark Pit…"

Closing his eyes, he leaned into her (non-existent) chest. She refused to push the position despite being slightly uncomfortable with how awkward the position was. She would have thought it was the other way around, but when she was the taller of the two, it kind of made sense to her. She picked up the little noises coming from the black angel. Looking down, she realized he had fallen asleep in her lap. Letting out a small grumble, she carefully lifted him off of her lap and placed him to one side of the bed before getting in next to him.

 _So cute._ Lucina thought to herself seeing the sleeping face. _He has been through so much ever since this suitor thing started. Tomorrow, everything will end…I will protect you Dark Pit. Trust me on this._

* * *

"God dammit! I'll kill those bastards if they do anything to Pittoo!"

"Pit, calm down. You were able to speak rationally when in Palutena's presence."

"Ike, how the hell can I keep calm?! Lucina is screwed tomorrow even with all the planning and I'm going to lose my twin because of my carelessness!"

Ike groaned seeing Pit's paranoia get the best of him as the night went on. It made him wish that he didn't finish so early because the only reason he finished so quickly (by just telling Soren, Titania, Elincia, Micaiah, Sanaki and Ranulf to tell everyone to come together for a huge get together in heaven barely giving them the story of what is going on that everyone needs to gather). Even if everything was prepared for tomorrow, but the angel had a nagging feeling that slithered out when Ike was dumb enough to ask if he was okay. Pit went on a tangent before starting proclaiming that everything was hopeless. He had to punch the angel in the cheek just to get him to snap out of it, but Ike forgot that three years gave him muscle and punching someone like Pit would just send him flying toward the bed.

"Owww!"

"My bad…" Ike said sincerely as he went over to help Pit up.

"No worries…I probably needed that…" Pit grumbled as he sat up from the bed. "Uh…sorry Ike…I didn't mean to lose it like that…"

"You're worried for tomorrow."

"I am."

"You shouldn't be."

"I know."

"We're going to win tomorrow with that loophole."

Pit wondered if this would work. The angel that was in charge of the duel only appeared if the rule was broken. What if he decided that he didn't like how the rule was abused and decided to kill Lucina and the others that would fight by her side? If that were the case, everything would be his fault.

The angel snapped out of his thoughts feeling Ike grab a hold of his chin before lifting it enough to a certain length so he could give him a quick kiss. Pit's eyes widened at the sudden affection before wrapping his arms around the larger man's neck.

"Will that be enough to calm your nerves?" Ike asked as they broke apart.

"Quite." Pit responded with a cat like smile. "Although since I'm already here…"

"Pit…if I do anything tonight, I won't be at my best tomorrow."

The angel pouted as he pulled away from the muscular bluenette. "Oh fine…"

Ike continued to observe Pit as he patted the pillow. It would be best for the white angel to crash here for the night…but it was kind of upsetting that because of this duel tomorrow, nothing would happen between them again. Pit had been dodgy for a while ever since this suitor thing started. Perhaps he was avoiding having anymore sex for his twin's sake but…

"Pit…"

"I know…I'll be rooting for you tomorrow Ike. You and everyone have to win tomorrow…show those jerks that your family bonds will defeat the heavenly might."

"Heh…that's strange coming from an arrogant angel who looks down on us."

Pit just smiled looking back at his beloved. "Ike, I wouldn't even call them angels. When you guys are finished beating them, they're all going to fall."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: TBC with 9441 words. Notes!
> 
> 1\. Okay, I was making a bad joke about Gaston being Groose…even though a lot of people in the Zelda make that joke. This Gaston is not even funny in comparison to the one from Beauty and the Beast given all of Pit's accusations against Gaston is pretty much correct (and he wants the moral high ground).
> 
> 2\. Okay, now I make the Disgaea joke of Pit wanting to going after Laharl despite the implication that Laharl is a child and Pit is an adult. Also…its kind of an inside joke between Zelina and me.
> 
> 3\. I am so tempted to throw the entire Fire Emblem cast into this battle just to show how bullshit the law is, but I decided that I'm going to keep it to Marth, Ike and Chrom's world due to how I feel like Lyn's world really isn't connected in any shape or form in Awakening yet Ike is via Priam while Marth is obviously the Hero King.


	3. Holy Matrimony

The angels took the glove slap duel incredibly seriously with how they spent the entire night preparing the arena and equipping themselves with the best weapons and armor around despite the fact that originally, it was only going to be one girl against 101 angel male suitors. Gaston thought his plan was brilliant and that Pit would see the last of his days despite the rest of the Angel Assembly members actually preparing to kick Gaston out seeing that Pit would probably have a plan of his own to counteract the buff angel's risky act.

It was only Gaston who was surprised the next day that Pit indeed came prepared.

"Remember Gaston, the rule says family is allowed to participate. You'll be fighting an entire army of family in arms from Lucina's world." Pit said with the smug look to counter the one Gaston flashed him yesterday. "Hopefully you give the angels here some entertainment. You weren't the best at fighting."

"Why you…" Gaston stopped himself realizing that it was only Pit and Dark Pit that arrived first with one hour to spare. "Heh…heh heh…doesn't matter. If that she-man doesn't arrive in the afternoon, then she'll die and it won't matter." He looked over to Dark Pit who had to arrive early to be "presentable" to the audience. Pit forgot to bring this up to him hence why they both had to rush out early without anyone following them. "Heh…the clone is too trashy to be fought over."

"Then why bother with the duel?" Pit asked very angry with Gaston. "This could have been avoided if you just stayed out of my private life!"

"Ha! With how you break the laws, there's no point!"

Dark Pit remained quiet in order to not give Gaston any ammunition like he did yesterday. This duel only happened because he opened his big mouth, so even if he had insults hurled at him, he would grin and bear it. Pit wouldn't even let Gaston near him when he tried to go over to the dark angel to get a better look at whom he was going to marry.

"Where is Vitus?" Pit questioned. "If you want him dressed up for this occasion before the Golden Land takes over, it better be him."

"P-Pit…"

"Oh? He's over there. Would you like me take your clone to him?"

"Hell no! I will never let Pittoo out of my sight if it means protecting him from you!" Pit declared as he quickly slipped his hand into the black angel's. "Pittoo, follow me."

Dark Pit gave small recognition to Pit's orders as he kept his head down refusing to look Gaston in the eye. It wasn't just the main suitor that he was trying to avoid but the other angels in the crowd too. Angels hated being late so many already had their food ready in the stands of Lucifer like this was some football game. They probably shared the same opinion Gaston had of him…an inferior clone that could be insulted and wedded to without an opinion. This was the opposite of freedom…and Pit knew this very well hence why he was trying to get things ready…

"Vitus, give me a mask and your best fancy tunic and make it snappy!"

"P-Pit…why do I need a mask…"

"So you don't have to look at the other angels while we're waiting for Lady Palutena and everyone else."

"W-Wha…"

"…This is my fault. I dragged you into this, so I'll make it as painless as possible."

"But Pit…I opened my big mouth when I didn't know the situation…"

"It's my fault for not explaining the situation to you Pittoo. I have a bad habit of not telling you the most important things like this and I'm paying for it. The last thing I want is to see you suffer."

Dark Pit wanted to take back those words yesterday. He didn't mean to shout that Pit didn't care about his wellbeing. That was the exact opposite and even though he hadn't apologized, Pit was going out of his way still to be an overprotective big brother.

"Pittoo, please don't apologize for me being careless. I probably needed you to tell me that."

"But it's not true!" The dark angel shouted forcing the two to stop. "Everything you do is for me and you have been doing this ever since I was created! You saved my life from the Chaos Kin when it didn't benefit you! You pleaded for Master Hand to let me into Smash knowing everyone would look at you the wrong way for allowing his replica into the most highly anticipated tournament of all times and even after I said those stupid things you're trying to soften my pain! I don't need it Pit! You don't have to do this…Luci doesn't have to do this…"

"She will win." Pit said simply. "I know you have high hopes for her."

"…But you…"

"I'm going to make things right in any way I can Pittoo. I had been hiding from that virginity test for more than 500 years, but only now did I screw up. I'm not going to blame you for dropping my guard. I'll take responsibility. But promise me this." He turned to his twin with a solemn expression. "Should Lucina fail and you are to be wedded by force…run. Get away from the heavens and the Golden Land for how far your feet will take you and never come back…"

"…Pit…"

"I don't know what will happen to me…but of course if you run off then they can't use you to get me. I'll do all in my power to reverse the damage, but I'll be banished from heaven for helping you escape…but I guess my luck ran out."

"…Stupid."

"Huh?"

"Stupid. Now who thinks Luci will fail? She'll win and we can just watch Gastard and those suitors cry and beg for mercy! You won't have to think of these bad futures! We're just going to cheer for her!"

Pit blinked before he smirked. "Yeah…of course. Sorry."

"And that means I'm going to have to get dressed, right?"

"Yeah?"

"…I can handle being alone for a couple of minutes. You go by us some snacks for the match. Luci is going to win so we might as well enjoy it."

Pit didn't really like the idea of leaving his twin alone, but who was he to refuse getting good food. He was a spectator, so he might as well spectate with his twin and the green haired Goddess.

* * *

Gaston did not want Lucina to show up at all. He would never admit how he miscalculated someone finding out about the loophole. If Pit didn't tell her then Palutena would have and he wished that she had no power whatsoever. If Pit were gone, then she would lose any power left on the angels. It was all about the angels being free from the divine beings and Pit was the last thing connecting them now.

Palutena was such a nuisance because she got her other Goddess friend Rosalina to help teleport all the fighters from the human realm to heaven with no problems on their end. The only Smashers who were allowed to come to the heavens and watch in person besides the two Goddesses and angel twins were Ganondorf, Robin, Shulk and Dunban. Ganondorf was only there because Palutena nagged him to come watch with her. This was of course to piss off any of the Angel Assembly members seeing the Goddess of Light with the King of Evil and Ganondorf wished she wouldn't drag him into her affairs. Robin needed to be there to see her plan come to fruition while Shulk begged Palutena to be above the clouds to see if Rob would make it out in one piece. Dunban just wanted to make sure Shulk wouldn't get himself hurt and while Riki wanted to go, Palutena had a limit to how many Smashers could show up or the Angel Assembly would call foul play on her. Everyone else would have to watch from below with the sky projecting the battle to where all of Smash Brothers Realm could see what was going on. Master and Crazy returned at the last minute to hear about this and decided that it was best to show the people what Lucina was capable of when you angered her enough.

Lucina hated this type of promotion. She just wanted to get this over with. She didn't sleep well thanks to Pit coming in searching for his dark twin and dragging him out. She was worried of what would happen even with her family and friends behind her. Yes she was happy seeing everyone, but she didn't like how he or she was only involved to even the odds for her sake.

"Sis, is something the matter?"

It was her little brother Inigo that would be comforting her. He had no problem getting involved in this drama simply because he wanted to look into the crowd and search for any single angel lady. However, seeing his sister stressed out perturbed him.

"…No…it's nothing."

"Sis, we'll win." He said with his big smile. "I may not know exactly what's going on, but I know is if you lose this duel, you'll be killed. If you try to quit, you'll be killed. You can only survive if you win hence why you need your reliable little brother like me."

Lucina wanted to snark he was far from reliable, but now was not the time. Not calling him out made Inigo continue to lighten the mood.

"Also, father was complaining about how if you win, you would get married. Well I guess even someone like you is capable of falling in love and getting married."

"What is that supposed to mean?!"

"Umm…what I mean. You love the guy you're fighting for right? I mean…it is kind of weird how these ugly men want the guy you're fighting for but…why are you giving me that look?"

"Inigo…stop talking."

"O-Okay…I should go speak to Gerome over there…"

"Actually, bring Gerome over. I need something to tell him."

Inigo nodded his head slowly as he went over to the crowd of other Emblem warriors and called Gerome who tried to distant himself from everyone. It proved impossible even though he was riding on Minerva. Gerome grumbled as he forced Inigo to watch his wyvern as he went over to see what Lucina wanted to talk about.

"What is it?"

"…If something happens to me…protect my brother." Lucina answered simply.

"You give me that order a lot when he doesn't need it."

"I want to be cautious. I have been warned that these angels will use any trick in the book to win. That's why I want you to make sure my brother stays out of harms way when the battle starts. If they resort to hostages like I was told…"

"…Understood."

Lucina was surprised at how little resistance Gerome put when ordered to watch her obnoxious little brother. When she first asked him back when they were in the bad future, he had his feathers ruffled but over time took the role of Inigo's bodyguard without the dancer even realizing it.

"Lucina, you should not look sullen. You will worry everyone else." Gerome reminded her as he dismissed himself to go back to Inigo who wanted to use Minerva to pick up angel chicks despite this not being the time or place.

In another corner of the large angel arena, Chrom was grinning ear to ear after getting as many people as possible to fight for him and Lucina. There were some faces missing such as his elder sister who he did not want to drag back into the war and that scoundrel Gangrel. Rob wished that he didn't have to ask Aversa to come and Tharja was back with clinging to his figure seeing as how he was still not married by their world standards. The white haired tactician was glad when her husband Donnel dragged her off so she can help encourage Noire (and that was going to end badly for her).

"Chrom, why are you so chromfident?" Rob asked as a joke seeing Chrom was happier than he needed to be.

"We're going to win." Chrom said with absolute confidence. "It's not just our friends that are fighting with us but the Hero King Marth's comrades and the Radiant Hero Ike's as well."

Rob chucked nervously only because of how it was just awkward for certain people to meet up. He would not admit that he didn't want to be around Tiki at all. Her adorable childhood self and her sexy adult self ended up meeting each other, so they had their own corner breaking all timelines with their conversations of adult Tiki talking to her younger self what to do and not do when the time came.

Then there was Priam meeting Ike his descendent and Ike shot the entire theory down saying he never got married. This explained so well why Prism doesn't know the Aether skill at all that Ike taught himself and made more sense why he would be a descendent of Mist and Boyd. There was hope for Ike's tactician Soren with that fact in mind, but it didn't say much given Ike was in a relationship with Pit.

Speaking of Pit, those two have yet to show up and it was almost time for the battle. Rob wondered where those two were. Seeing that Gaston was in the arena made it clear that they weren't ambushed at the very least.

Once the event started, everyone got quiet seeing as there was an angel that came onto the huge arena to speak about the rules of the battle. The angel was a tall girl with long white hair tied in a very huge braid, brown eyes and a huge chest that defied gravity would be speaking for everyone. Her outfit did a good job keeping her breasts in check probably having the biggest bra that could hold them back. Her tunic came off as rather tight as a result, but given the checkerboard design, she must have attempted to look like one of those anime characters and failed miserably. No one would bring it up because of the huge bow that was on her back that was larger than what Pit carried around.

Before she could speak, another young angel came in and pounced on her back.

"Fuyumi, I'm going to talk too!" The young angel declared happily.

"T-This is a serious battle, Ian! It's not the Angel Olympics!"

Ian was an adorable angel. If you didn't think he was cute, you were lying to yourself. Maybe it was his rather large purple eyes that him so precious or the way his silver hair was incredibly wavy and unkempt making the purple bangs stand out. Or maybe it was just the cute little silver fox with the four tails doll clinging to him and the tall girl.

"Shit is going to go down though." The doll spoke causing Fuyumi to freak out. "Better get out of the way when things start."

"W-Why is that doll talking again, Ian?!"

"Silvia always talks. Come on Fuyumi, let me say some things for the match."

"N-No! S-Stop!"

Ian's cuteness and the doll's adorable creepiness drowned her cries out as he snatched the mike from her rather easily. There could be some grumbling in the crowd with a few angels complaining to Valerie to get his little brother out of the arena. Valerie was supposed to sit in a certain section with Arcadia, Mcenche and the Kaguya family in general. He refused to acknowledge his little brother's presence.

"Okay, everyone! Testing one, two three! Hey, hey! We're going to be starting the match in a couple of minutes! My boyfriend Vitus is getting the captain and his brother ready! When they get back, we can start!"

The immaturity in his speech brought shame to the Marchen family. Arcadia couldn't help but glance at the more feminine brother of the two who had his hands covering his face.

"I don't know him…" Valerie murmured to himself causing Arcadia to chuckle at how it only takes his brother to bring him to this state.

"I'm going to go over the rules!" Ian continued with his cutesy persona. "First, we all know how these duels go…although it seems like it's going to be a gladiator match with how many competitors there are! That means we can teleport them to an even bigger arena!"

"Wait what…" Rob muttered intending to ignore this annoying angel until he said something about transferring them to somewhere else.

"We can't get the arena too dirty, right?" Ian asked before Silvia ended up telling him that his jokes weren't funny causing the young lad to frown. "Oh, you don't have to be mean Silvia! Anyways, the victory is obtained only when the leader of the group is defeated! You can do whatever you want as long as the challenger or the one being challenged is still around. It would be sad if they shouted that they surrendered though. That wouldn't be very fun for us."

"No fun! No fun!" Silvia tuned in.

"But if you don't want to die, you just have to run out of bounds. Hopefully you can still fly."

That implied that anyone who couldn't fly would fall for their deaths if they were to escape wherever they were being teleported. It was like was like this dimension Ian spoke of would kill humans. Rob suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Chrom had to pat him on the back reassuring him that they would be fine.

"Oh, here comes the captain and his brother now!" Ian exclaimed as he made haste and fled the arena dragging the tall girl behind him with relative ease.

The attention was turned to the two angel twins at this point. Pit had already bought his snacks and set it aside to the area where the Smashers and two Goddesses would be spectating the match. He went back for Pittoo when he was done and was forced to change as well so he would look presentable. Pit grumbled at how he didn't like this formal attire of a tunic he wore. It was more modern looking than what he had on now. The captain wondered if it was necessary to put all of these glow in the dark lights on his, but chances were that Vitus was having fun making this tunic, so who was he to complain? At least Dark Pit had the more appropriate outfit. In comparison, his outfit was polished so it shined like knight armor. Personally, Pit found it to blinding and Dark Pit probably thought that as well. Both angels were given a mask to cover their face, but Pit refused to put his mask on as he looked at his angel people with a composed expression.

Dark Pit was given the comedy mask so he wouldn't give the impression that he was nervous about the battle (in contrast to Pit having the tragedy mask hang over his head above his laurel crown). He slowly walked behind Pit refusing to look at those observing eyes. Pit held his hand while they walked through the stadium.

"Oh, at least he doesn't look trashy now." Gaston mocked seeing Pit leer at him. "Would it be nice for him to remove his mask and see his cute face?"

"You can think about that if you win the battle." Pit warned him before turning toward the crowd. "Angels of Skyworld, I have a declaration to make. Should Lucina lose the match, I will not hesitate to resign from my position."

That took everyone especially Palutena by surprise. Pit however failed to keep the arrogant smile from showing up.

"Of course, we all know how lame Gaston is. Tell me one time where he actually went to battle with the others when the going gets tough? Do you remember the time us angels went to defend Skyworld against dragons? What was Gaston doing? Oh yeah! He was hiding behind Arcadia and then took the credit for himself!"

"Not a surprise." Valerie said quickly.

"Don't remind me…" Arcadia grumbled.

Pit said this to brighten the mood and it worked seeing as how Gaston's face was completely red with fury when that dragon incident was brought up. The suitors also found this amusing. Taking his sword out, he pointed it at Pit.

"Mark my words captain, when I win, you will not just lose your position but your tongue as well."

"Don't get ahead of yourself."

Pit made it clear that the side he was cheering for was going to win therefore they shouldn't worry about the rumors of him losing his position. Palutena sighed realizing how Pit needed to make a political statement just so he wouldn't lose favor with the angels. If Lucina lost, the angels would fight for Pit's position so the Angel Assembly at large couldn't fire him.

"Your angel is growing up."

"Kaguju…shut up."

The purple angel was also sitting in the stand with the two Goddesses. He got special privilege due to who he was therefore no one could question him. Pit wasn't pleased seeing Kaguju next to Palutena, but if Ganondorf wasn't complaining, he had no right to speak. Dark Pit was forced to sit in the special chair for the one being sought after. The light angel gave a few encouraging words to his twin to not worry so much and sit down. The way the chair looked gave Dark Pit the impression that he was treated like Helen of Troy but given the divine beings might have lived through the Trojan War at some point, maybe this was intentional on the angel's end to make the person being fought for seen as a pathetic individual who could do nothing while both sides went at it. The comedy mask did a good job hiding the pained expression Pittoo had being alone.

"We will be teleporting everyone to the true battlefield." Fuyumi announced after recovering from being dragged around by Ian. "We wish luck and survivor to all fighters."

The magic happened incredibly fast once Fuyumi said that. Everyone was warped to another dimension where it was nothing but an open field. It was one of the bigger fields used when the angels competed in a game called Light versus Dark, but in a situation like this, it was a battle to the death.

Lucina was in the front of the army along with her father, mother, and brother along with Rob, Marth and Ike behind her. Henry and Morgan were close by too along with Owain, Gerome and the other children of the future. Most of the healers were in the back though and they needed it.

"This is a fair fight." Lucina told Gaston seeing how he was still angry about her using the loophole. "No dirty tricks. It will be you against me!"

"Ha-ha, if you think you're going to get that one on one match with me, you're going to have to work for it!"

"A coward like Pit described him as…" Rob mumbled as he went over to Lucina. "Lucina, we will do all in our power to clear a path. You just focus on the duel."

"Understood."

"We'll be fine." Rob said with a smirk. "My sister's plans never failed us yet."

It said a lot when Rob praised his sister instead of snarking about how perfect she was. She was looking up at the magic projector the angels made of the battlefield praying for the safety of her friends and family.

"GO EVERYONE!"

Lucina wanted to facepalm hearing Owain shouting something incredibly stupid and Morgan and Cynthia joined in with whatever the hell he was talking about.

The battle started and the honest reality was that these angels would only have the advantage if it was just Lucina against them. With how most of the Fire Emblem cast was there to kick some serious ass, the battle was rather one sided that it was almost a disappointment to the Emblem warriors especially those who wanted to kill. Henry was going all out to murder as many angels as he could before they started retreating.

The path was cleared almost immediately. Lucina charged toward Gaston who was shouting at the angel suitors to not run away despite the push the Emblem warriors were giving them. Some were already taking the smart room and fleeing before things got bad. It became apparent to Lucina that this was equivalent to the Mii battles so perhaps it wasn't fair after all, but maybe Gaston was actually competent in battle. After all, it didn't matter what the army did because if Lucina lost, they all did.

"Come at me!" Lucina shouted as she charged her shield breaker at Gaston who flew out of her attack. "Your cowardly ways end here!"

"Ha, if you think I'm going to let some she-man win, you have another thing coming."

Yes, Gaston had a sword, but he was proving to be very bad with it. Lucina had to wonder how this man had such a high position in heaven. Then again, Pit brought up that Gaston hid behind the competent fighter and took the credit. His cowardly nature showed especially with his bad posture and messing up some obvious openings Lucina had when the two clashed sword. Lucina was going to break his sword, so he proceeded to punch her instead. The definition of a duel was different for angels so she wouldn't call him out, but if she could hear the outside, the angels were quick to switch their favorites from Gaston to Lucina. Gaston was boring them seeing Lucina dominated him in a one on one match. Dark Pit glanced over to Pit who was complaining how this battle would be over before he finished his popcorn.

 _So…this is failed hype._ Dark Pit thought as he took of his mask realizing he had nothing to worry about. _He's only talk if he can manipulate the battle, but if forced to fight fairly, he's a weakling._

"Is this all you have to offer?" Lucina asked annoyed that this entire battle was starting to be a waste of time.

"Tch, you haven't seen my true form!"

"…Before this ends, let me ask you this." Lucina began as she began to prepare a critical hit seeing Gaston wide open yet again. "Why do you care so much about marrying Dark Pit? There are other people you can marry. If it's to remove Pit from position of power, why not work together with him instead of going after someone who has nothing to do with it?"

Gaston was taken back by the sincere question. For someone as sleazy as him, he would not have the best answer and it showed when even the angels weren't exactly pleased with his statement.

"Heh…heh heh…marriage is nothing to us angels. You look around here in heaven and you see two things. Angels unhappy because they lost there loved ones in the name of love or angels who have benefitted because they married the right person. You can only be happy by an arranged marriage. Look at all the angels who have tried to stray from the path like the captain and those who fall for humans and demons. They're all pathetic." He smirked knowing Pit would flip out at what he said next. "We all know the most pathetic one of them all is the captain's father who fell for a demon and look where it got him. He got a miserable child as a result."

"You fucking, son of a-"

"Pit!" Palutena shouted before Pit could jump out of his seat and order the other angels to allow him to beat the overconfident angel up.

"Lady Palutena, how dare he insult my old man! Only I can insult him for being stupid!"

"Pit…this battle is almost over. Calm down." Ganondorf told him firmly. "The look in our favorite princess' eyes is glowing."

"Huh?"

Gaston kept stroking his ego at this point insulting the other angels. "Power is everything and marriage allows the ultimate power! You can't break away once you're married! You're stuck to your partner for all eternity! That clone should be glad he's going to marry someone as handsome and powerful as me. He won't have to worry about thinking. He just needs to sit there and look presentable."

"…Is that all Dark Pit is to you…and the suitors?"

"Besides using him to remove the captain from power, what else is he good for?"

Dark Pit flinched at those cold words. What good was he to anyone besides Pit? He was only good at fighting and probably communicating with demons, but other than that…

"Dark Pit is his own being!" Lucina snapped a large aura suddenly appearing behind her. "You can't decide the life he lives! He lives however he wants and he won't let someone like you control him! Dark Pit is one of the kindest angel's I know and I will not allow a scumbag like you destroy him! I challenge my fate in this duel and I will be the victor!"

Lucina wouldn't even give Gaston the time to breath when she charged. He blocked a critical blow at the cost of his sword shattering from the Falchion. His eyes widened as he stepped back horrified at what was occurring.

"W-What…"

She went after him again charging with the sword and sending him into the air before slamming him into the ground. It was amazing there were no cuts on his body. The angels didn't give Gaston enough credit for all the pain he could endure, but his pride was shattered immediately.

"N-No! Don't kill me! I give up!"

"Pathetic." Lucina growled. "After all of that trash talking…"

The angels overall were disappointed on how this match was hyped up only for it to end so quickly due to Gaston's incompetence. Even Arcadia wasn't even rooting for her partner at this point. She sympathized with the human girl who won within a few minutes without interruption. The army Lucina gathered was rather pointless as a result except to intimidate the other angel suitors into fleeing if they weren't killed. It didn't stop the Smashers or anyone rooting for Lucina to cheer at her flawless victory. Dark Pit let out a sigh of relief as he slumped into the chair.

As everyone was brought back into the angel arena, Ian and Fuyumi declared Lucina the winner of this glove slap duel.

"Sorry for the disappointment everyone. We all forgot how lame Gaston was." Ian added with a snicker.

"He can't walk the walk." Silvia added. "Thank god for a loophole."

"…I want my money back!" One angel shouted.

"Gaston made us lose so much!"

"BOOOOOOOO!"

Anyone not cheering for Lucina was booing rather loudly due to his or her own race not winning. The female lord didn't care seeing as Dark Pit was safe from this cowardly man who couldn't care for his wellbeing. Gaston was on his knees begging the crowd to stop glaring at him. He even pleaded to Arcadia to tell the angels to stop, but she just folded her arms annoyed at how foolish her partner was. Valerie was just glad he could remove him from position now.

The angels fell silent despite Gaston's flailing. The Smashers turned to see why the angels decided to stop booing at the outcome of a human woman defeating an angelic male. Pit's eyes widened in horror as he hid behind Palutena, but Dark Pit was confused at the sudden tense atmosphere in the heavens.

"Who is that?"

"C-Cherub…" Pit murmured. "H-He never shows up…no matter what duel…"

The Cherub appeared before Lucina causing her to back up. The other warriors wanted to help Lucina seeing what a menace this angel was.

Actually, Cherub did not look anywhere near an angel. The wings he had on his back looked less like angel wings and more like wings of an eagle. The angel's long hair and beard looked identical to a lion's main and that's not even describing the horns of an ox and tail. Cherub looked more like a demon than an angel and that might have been why all the angels feared him. He smirked as he looked over to Lucina who was ready to defend herself if he intended to attack her.

"I'm impressed." He spoke in a rather monotone voice. "I expected a one sided match resulting in a pitiful human's death." Lucina kept her eyes on him as he continued. "I'm surprised that human was able to see the loophole in the angel law book and cause a one-sided match against the angels."

"…It is not a loophole." Lucina spoke surprising the angel slightly. "Everyone that has fought beside me is my family in some shape or form. Our bonds are strong and I could not have won without them."

"I see…when I mean family, I always refer to the blood ties, but the bonds of friendship is equally as strong. Interesting." Cherub looked toward the Goddess of Light who was spectating the battle. "You have some interesting friends Athena."

"Palutena." The Goddess of Light corrected quickly.

"Right, Palutena." He smirked as he turned his back on the female lord. "You did well. You are indeed the victor of this duel. I will now cast my judgment on the loser."

He looked toward Gaston who was ready to fly off in the distant. He froze when he saw the evil look in Cherub's eyes and screamed.

"P-Please, spare me! I'm a member of the Angel Assembly! That bitch cheated!"

"Language…" Cherub said simply as his body began to glow a darkish red. The power lifted him up in the air. "Let it be known that Gaston has disturbed the holy matrimony between two lovers. Let this never happen again. I cast you to the depths of hell never to return."

The angels could only look in horror as a black hole appeared below Gaston when he tried to fly away from the cloud. A ginormous hand that could belong to no one but Hades pulled Gaston into the hole at an alarming rate.

"NO!" He cried. "Not there! Please, don't make me face him!"

Cherub said nothing as the hand pulled him down completely with only his scream echoing throughout the heavens. The other suitors who were still alive were quick to fly off in random direction like a pack of mice. Cherub did not bother going after them, as they were helpless without their leader. He stared at Arcadia who was standing in the crowd with Mcenche and the rest of the Kaguya family line. She shivered at his cold eyes that were chillier than hers before Cherub turned back to Lucina and then to Dark Pit who was standing in the spot where all the angels who were fought for were supposed to stand.

"And now the holy ceremony will begin."

No one had time to reach out to the two Smashers when Cherub used his magic to seize the two and teleport to wherever they would get married. Pit already knew that it could only be that one place where no one could disturb them after the duel.

* * *

The place that Pit was thinking of was the Golden Land also known as the center of the universe. The place was ruled by a bunch of insane brats who could do whatever they wanted with a flick of their finger. They were so powerful that even the divine beings had to stand down in order to not invoke their wrath.

They had their good points though. For example, after a glove slap duel caused by the angels, Cherub would take them to the Golden Church. This was probably the most sacred place in all the Golden Land that the creator of the universe did all in his power to make sure that no one laid waste to it. When inside, one could see why when one looked above at the stain glass windows and saw magnificent figures staring down at them. There were twelve stain glass windows each with a different figure on it. Some were shiny while others lose their color. The symbolism wasn't important (at least not in this story), but its to be noted that a bright man that was at the center of it lost its glow in contrast to the picture of a brooding man that shined brightly despite being hidden in the darkness.

Lucina blinked when she was teleported into this magnificent church. Everything around her was incredibly sparkly filled with golden butterflies that fluttered throughout the church.

"Where is this?"

"You're in the Golden Land." Cherub stated. "The place where you and your lover will be married."

"Wait…we're still…"

Lucina looked down at her attire almost immediately. She noticed how she was no longer wearing her battle clothes for Smash Brothers Mansion. Instead she wore a dark blue tuxedo with a white suit underneath and a small bowtie. If Lucina understood how the Golden Land worked with their constant media references, she would have noticed that whoever put her in this outfit was obsessed with James Bond. She sighed that they would put her in masculine attire for this wedding she was still being forced into.

"Oh, hell no! Why am I in the dress?!"

Dark Pit was there with her. Lucina turned to her side and gasped at what the dark angel was wearing. The genders were reversed as he was the one in the wedding dress, but it wasn't your normal wedding dress. It had a gothic feel to it with the dark coloring and the black veil over his head. Because he wasn't a woman, the dress was arranged differently so it would cover up his chest area, but at the same time made it tighter in said area. His back was more exposed due to the laces, but the fluffiness of the gothic dress was apparently supposed to make up for it. The cute butterfly pattern on the dress was a Golden Land touch.

"Didn't you know? The one that is being duel always wears the dress. I love that little rule Cherub has!"

That was not Cherub. In front of the podium was a boy who appeared the age of twelve with blond hair and green eyes. He wasn't dressed up for an official wedding and had a European suit with a heart, diamond, clover and spade button in that order from top to bottom. He smiled at the confused looks the two had.

"Who are you?" Lucina asked as she reached for Falchion only to realize that she didn't have her sword on her.

"I'm Prism, Sorcerer of Misfortune, creator of the universe and the one who is going to wed you two off after that duel." He introduced with a cheeky grin. "Thanks for keeping me entertained."

"You're lying, Prism." Said another voice that appeared behind him. When this person appeared, raven crows scattered around them somewhat ruining the glimmering feel of the church. A girl that appeared to be a raven ruffled the feathers of the blond kid. She had medium length hair and purple eyes stared down at him. Prism was looking more at her baby doll dress with the twenty-four feathers that formed a clock if one had good observation (or if you were a pervert, you would notice how they formed a circle around her breasts.

"No I'm not!"

"Who wears the dress is based on the circumstances. You just want to be a little troll."

Dark Pit was furious hearing that. "Hey, get me out of this outfit! I want a tuxedo like Lucina! This looks like I'm going to a funeral!"

"But it looks better on you." Prism said happily. "Your soon to be husband thinks that too."

"Lucina is not my…wait a…"

Lucina just facepalmed at what Prism just implied.

"Can the wedding start now?" Cherub asked with a hint of annoyance. "The holy ceremony needs to happen right after the duel."

"Hey, stop rushing Cherub!" Prism shouted. "I'm just admiring the outfits."

"One is James Bond and the other is a Gothic Lolita. Prism, please…your taste in outfits…"

"Like you should talk Raven…"

The two Smashers sided in defeat realizing that they would have to go through with this. One of the golden butterflies fluttered into the arms of the dark angel and immediately turned into a bouquet of dark colored flowers. Dark Pit let out a groan about the reversed gender roles.

"Uhh…this is stupid…why do I have to be the dress…" Dark Pit looked over to Lucina and blushed. "But at least…you look dashing in that tuxedo."

Lucina let out a small smile as she resisted the urge to pet the black angel on the head. "And you are simply adorable."

"Wait…adorable? Normally the bride is beautiful…oh god…I take that back! D-Don't say anything else Luci!"

She let out a small laugh now as the Golden Land residences got into position to perform the wedding ceremony. Cherub went over to the side to watch. The only audience that showed up in the seats was the golden butterflies that turned into different boys and girls. All of them were friends of Prism and Raven and like the two kids they all wore their normal informal outfits.

However some butterflies seem to create musical instruments in the corner suited for a wedding and started playing music. They didn't even take a human form in contrast to the spectators of the Golden Land. Dark Pit let out a sigh hearing the music. He heard it so often in films where people were getting married that listening to it in person while being the one with the bouquet was enough to send shivers down his spine. Lucina heard it so much with everyone getting married around her in her world. She never would have imagined that she too would be the one walking down the aisle in a tuxedo nonetheless. Slowly she glanced over to the one she would be married and couldn't help but smile.

"Are you ready Dark Pit?" She asked extending her hand toward him. "There really is nothing much we can do."

"Argh…I know." Dark Pit mumbled with a sigh before looking over at the one he would marry. A small smirk escaped his lips as he accepted her hand. "But at the very least…I'm getting married to someone who likes me even a little…"

As the two slowly walked down the aisle hand in hand, Prism was looking for the book he was supposed to be saying about wedding vows. Raven saw how pale the blond turned as he was shuffling through the pages. She was feeling a nasty headache coming to her suddenly. Cherub's expression also dropped seeing Prism hastily trying to find the page.

"Prism…please tell me that you wrote the speech you were going to say."

"Uh…I…" Prism looked over to his friends in the stand who were just chilling. They weren't going to help him and were going to watch him crash and burn. "Ummmmmmm…"

"Fucking useless…" Raven growled.

"Cube, help us all…" Cherub added with a sigh.

This wasn't even going to be a proper speech at this point. There was no way Prism could come up with something out of his ass immediately, so he might as well say the most important thing and get right to the making out portion.

"Lucina," Prism began addressing the female lord. "Do you take Pittoo as your husband for all eternity?"

 _Well he's going straight for the question._ Lucina thinks sarcastically to herself before nodding her head. "I do."

"Pittoo, do you take Lucina as your wife for all eternity?"

Dark Pit was not pleased with how that nickname was being used instead of what he wanted to be called by.

"…I do."

Prism wanted to make a snarky comment about Dark Pit's hesitation but that wasn't from swearing his love for eternity and more on how Prism was using his nickname. Lucina wondered how they expected to keep going when she didn't have a ring to give Dark Pit or vise versa. She felt something in her pocket though.

"Lucina, take the ring you have and put it in on your husband."

"Huh? I didn't…"

Regardless, Lucina dove into the pocket of the tuxedo and pulled out a ring. Dark Pit was as confused as she was on how that ended up there, but chances are the Golden Land prepared everything beforehand. Dark Pit would hate to think of what would have happened if he were in this position with Gaston.

Opening the box revealed a shiny amethyst gem in the form of the golden butterfly.

 _Yes, this ring is definitely from this strange place._ Lucina thought as she wondered why Pittoo was the one that needed to wear it.

"Oh, don't worry. The ring ain't cursed." Prism said with a smile. "Its just confirms to the Golden Land that you indeed made your vows and intend to keep it. After all, the Golden Land remembers everything forever."

 _Basically, don't cheat._ Dark Pit thought to himself as his cheeks turned red. Why did it have to be him who had to have the ring slipped on his finger? He should just stop asking questions and get it over with.

It was like the ring was made for him. For a second, the dark angel felt that his body was becoming light. He looked toward the aisle hearing something. He blinked in confusion about what he just felt but realized it was probably nothing and turned back toward Lucina still with his small cute smile.

"You may now kiss the bride…I mean husband!"

Prism really was messing this up. The two Smashers didn't care as they gazed into each other's eyes. This entire time, they resisted a forced marriage, but regardless if they were marrying too early for their taste, it didn't change the fact that the love the two had for each other were real. Both continued to smile warmly at each other as Dark Pit mumbled something to Lucina before voicing it louder before she could ask what he said.

"Luci…I know I said I wasn't interested in marriage but I…mmm?"

Lucina didn't want to hear him say anything. His actions spoke louder than words and she was demonstrating this when she was the one that pulled him into a passionate kiss. This was met from cheers in the Golden Land and outside of the magical Wonderland.

"I won you fair and square, Dark Pit." Lucina teased seeing how his cheeks lit up underneath the veil. "I won't hand you over to anyone. I am your knight in shining armor after all."

"Idiot, I'm going to be the one to protect you after this…" Dark Pit muttered softly to himself before he decided he wanted to kiss her again. He leaned up on his toes to do a return kiss. Under his breath, Lucina thought she could hear him attempt to say how much he loved her, but this was all she needed.

Prism let out a small yawn as a response to finishing his half-ass speech. Raven just shook her head in annoyance knowing she would have to educate him how to memorize these speeches properly if he wanted anyone to respect him. Cherub chuckled as he disappeared after the sacred kiss was given. His role was done and would only show up again if someone disturbed the harmony between two lovers.

The Golden Land was able to project the marriage in two main locations: heaven and the Smash Brothers Realm. There everyone could witness the wedding between Lucina and Dark Pit. All who were routing for the Ylissean princess cheered seeing the two kiss each other. Pit sighed in relief seeing how everything turned out okay in the end and he had so many people to thank for protecting his twin brother. Not like Pit would think about that now as he looked over to Palutena and let out an innocent laugh.

"Great, now we can all get hammered!" Pit declared. "All the drinking without fear of breaking the law! That is awesome!"

Palutena admitted to herself that she couldn't wait to get her hands on some wine and drink until she passed out. That was the good thing about having huge weddings like this especially if it came from a glove slap duel. However…

"Pit…you can't drink until you resolve your issue with the Angel Assembly." She reminded her captain. "You caused these problems due to your incompetence and recklessness. Now that the Angel Assembly is down one member, you have to fix things with Arcadia."

Pit's mood immediately dropped about his captain responsibilities. "Oh, come on Lady Palutena! This is Pittoo's wedding! I want to celebrate with him."

"Nope, your duties come first."

"Oh man…"

There was one more person in the crowd that was equally saddened by these turns of events. While Olivia was crying that her daughter got married and Inigo was crying that his big sister was so manly in the battle, both were still happy that Lucina looked content in that tuxedo. Chrom however just sighed at how all of his efforts to make sure Lucina wouldn't get married was ruined due to divine intervention.

"Oh Naga…please protect my daughter." Chrom prayed even though he didn't think his prayer would reach Naga given the Goddess here was Palutena…and she was very pleased with the results.

"Chrom, don't look so sullen when your family is delighted at the outcome." Dunban could be heard telling Chrom as he patted him on the back. "Sometimes, you just need to let the little birdie leave the nest and spread her wings."

Chrom glared daggers at the war veteran seeing the hypocrisy in the statement. "Says the guy who can't let Shulk go."

"Oh…it's because he isn't going to leave."

"Really, then why did I just hear Rob telling Shulk to go catch that bouquet when those two come back from this Golden Land place."

Sure enough Dark Pit and Lucina came back from the Golden Land led by the golden butterflies. It was a magical experience and to complete it was to catch the bouquet. Almost all the angel girls that were attending and some of the single ladies were lining up. Dark Pit wanted to throw the bouquet in Pit's face seeing as how he wasn't paying attention. His aim was off when he threw it though and it ended up in the hands of the Monado boy. Rob couldn't help but give a huge grin to a confused seer.

"Yay, we can get married next." The white haired tactician teased as he snuggled up to the taller male.

"Umm…that is…uh…"

"OH, HELL NO!" Dunban cursed as he stormed over to the two Smashers. "SHULK, YOU ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED ON MY WATCH!"

Chrom just shook his head in annoyance. "What did I say?" Looking up at his handsome daughter though, he smiled contently seeing the radiant glow she was giving. "Well…she proved herself today…so I guess I'll let it slide… _I am proud of you Lucina. May you two forever have a happy life..._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Done with 9775 words. Notes!
> 
> 1\. This entire scene with Pit and Dark Pit originally wasn't planned but I just sort of wanted to give some small conclusion to their argument. I feel like Pit doesn't tell the whole truth about his reputation in heaven. Half of the angels hate him but the other half adore him hence why Pit can casually speak to so many Angel Assembly members he apparently loathes. Vitus for example is someone Pit gets along with and he has an on and off relationship with Valerie. Dark Pit as a whole while he would probably have more respect if he forced himself to speak to other angels, he feels pressured by the other angels hence why he's always looking down when he doesn't need to be.
> 
> 2\. Okay I admit I'm on the side that hates the idea that Priam is Ike's descendant. I'm fine with him following Mist's line but not Ike. Just because he has blue hair and has Ragnell (that breaks) doesn't mean that he's Ike. I hate how Nintendo didn't even bother giving Priam a good backstory and shoved him in to shoot down pairings like Ike/Soren. A character that has no good backstory and could have been used for any other character to be brought back to life to recruit is just a bad taste in my mouth since I hate characters that have no purpose in the story except to be there.
> 
> 3\. Why is the battle one sided and so lame? Well, Pit kind of made it obvious that Gaston wasn't much for battling especially since he lets Arcadia do all the work and takes the credit from her (and she obviously hates that). This is why Lucina against the 101 suitors was very bad against her because it allows for underhanded tactics. When the Fire Emblem cast was summoned to back her up, suddenly the scale is tipped in Lucina's favor. You also got to remember that half the angels are either incompetent or lazy. The Centurions are both but the suitors who most of them are rich angels mind you never needed to fight because they let everyone else do it. This is the type of people that take advantage of the innocent and naïve especially when in power because when forced to back up their talk with fighting, they fall almost immediately. This is not helped how the angels hyped up the match and it ended in disappointment like most sporting events can be.
> 
> 4\. The Cherub is one of the few angel rankings I have yet to deal with in my stories. You have the angels that include Pit, Dark Pit and pretty much most of angel society. The archangels are Michael, Gabriel, Ariel and Rafael. Principality is the name I gave to the Head Angel of Queen's Blade. The Angel Assembly is the Thrones of heaven and Lamington is the one Seraph of all the heavens.
> 
> Regardless, what I decided to make my angel different in this version is to make Cherub four angels in one. In other words, there is only one Cherub because they all fused together hence they are the four faces you see. The leader of the group is the one with the human face, but the other three are the lion, ox and eagle. The eagle allows Cherub to fly. The lion gives Cherub the main and gives it the strength of a lion. The ox gives Cherub the horns and the kicking power and tail of said animal and the man gives Cherub the ability to talk and think like a human. Because the Cherub is supposed to represent the four Evangelists, all four of the animals are male.


End file.
